James May Daily Telegraph article
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James May Daily Telegraph article
I think the best way to describe this would be to use a description I have often heard James May use himself about people "what a C
k", or should I say plank!
The future of transport is up in the air - Telegraph
I'm sure it's all in jest and just a dig at the hamster really!
k", or should I say plank!The future of transport is up in the air - Telegraph
I'm sure it's all in jest and just a dig at the hamster really!
The future of transport is up in the air
But flying means being in a proper plane, not a helicopter.
By James May
Published: 2:15PM BST 05 Jun 2009
Back in the olden days, between the wars, it was the done thing to be "air minded". The government actually encouraged this. This was the era in which smart people formed flying clubs and biffed around the country in small biplanes built by De Havilland out of bed-making materials, looking pukka.
I like to think of myself as being air minded. I like aeroplanes, and can argue that the small airfields that some people find so annoying are the reason why there are pilots available to fly you to Malaga on Cheesyjet for £9.99.
So I was delighted when my mate Richard Hammond, after years of dismissing light aircraft as "aerial mopeds", announced that he was taking flying lessons. But then I had to fall out with him immediately, because it turns out he is learning to fly a HELICOPTER.
I'm just not sure about helicopters. My mate Colin, who spends most of his time in his shed and is therefore something of a thinker, says that a helicopter is like a woman: the more time you spend examining it and trying to understand how it works, the more terrified you'll be of going anywhere near it. My objection to the helicopter is that it makes such a bloody appalling song and dance about flying.
A proper aeroplane, as used by people of taste and refinement, simply needs to move forwards at a brisk trot to be rewarded with the miracle of flight. A helicopter doesn't really fly at all, as far as I can make out. It screams and bawls like a spoilt brat until physics eventually gives in and says, "Oh, all right, all right, off you go then."
A helicopter taking off is such a vulgar spectacle. A small aeroplane will roar briefly and then be gone, a dwindling speck in the inverted bowl. But the helicopter sits there whining for ages, then disturbing the peace with that slow "whump whump whump" noise, which very gradually swells to a petulant crescendo of "chumpa chumpa chumpa". Finally, after it has ruined the lives of thousands, there it is, two feet off the ground looking terribly pleased with itself. Look at me! Look at me! I can hover. Ha!
Yes, yes, yes, that's terribly good. Now kindly buzz off, take your little chopper with you, and leave me alone to reassemble my newspaper.
Because helicopters can't really fly, they are inherently risky. Lots can go wrong with my small aeroplane before disaster threatens. The engine can disintegrate, bits can fall off, some of the controls can seize, and I could still get it down. But in a helicopter, every mechanical component seems to be critical, and if just one of them breaks you find yourself in the sky in a big box of Meccano.
But then, there is a precedent in nature for fixed-wing flight, in the gliding of seagulls and eagles. If you could somehow take a light aeroplane up in a balloon and toss it out, it would sort itself out and start flying; even if the engine was off and there was no one on board.
This isn't true of a helicopter, because without considerable human intervention it's just a dodo of a fuselage with some flappy bits on top. Nature did not give us a model for the helicopter, which is why it took such a long time to get right. Some of you will want to write in and direct me to the sycamore seed, but, strictly speaking, that is an autogiro. So there.
The beauty of rotary-winged craft, as all helicopter apologists like to point out, is that they can land pretty much anywhere. This is precisely the problem. The pilot of a proper aeroplane is forced by circumstance (but would anyway, because he or she is a decent sort) to land some way off and complete the last bit of the journey by foot, bicycle or taxi.
The helicopterist, meanwhile, because he can, will land on the lawn of a pleasant country house hotel where I'm staying. One moment I'm at peace on the terrace enjoying what Heat magazine would call a ''cheeky'' wine, then suddenly there's Melba toast all over the place. It really is abominably intrusive.
Why is this relevant here? Because I believe that the future of personal transport is in the air, and that the pleasure we derive from driving will one day have to be sought in the sky.
Join me up there, on the wings of a dove. Not sitting under an angry palm tree.
But flying means being in a proper plane, not a helicopter.
By James May
Published: 2:15PM BST 05 Jun 2009
Back in the olden days, between the wars, it was the done thing to be "air minded". The government actually encouraged this. This was the era in which smart people formed flying clubs and biffed around the country in small biplanes built by De Havilland out of bed-making materials, looking pukka.
I like to think of myself as being air minded. I like aeroplanes, and can argue that the small airfields that some people find so annoying are the reason why there are pilots available to fly you to Malaga on Cheesyjet for £9.99.
So I was delighted when my mate Richard Hammond, after years of dismissing light aircraft as "aerial mopeds", announced that he was taking flying lessons. But then I had to fall out with him immediately, because it turns out he is learning to fly a HELICOPTER.
I'm just not sure about helicopters. My mate Colin, who spends most of his time in his shed and is therefore something of a thinker, says that a helicopter is like a woman: the more time you spend examining it and trying to understand how it works, the more terrified you'll be of going anywhere near it. My objection to the helicopter is that it makes such a bloody appalling song and dance about flying.
A proper aeroplane, as used by people of taste and refinement, simply needs to move forwards at a brisk trot to be rewarded with the miracle of flight. A helicopter doesn't really fly at all, as far as I can make out. It screams and bawls like a spoilt brat until physics eventually gives in and says, "Oh, all right, all right, off you go then."
A helicopter taking off is such a vulgar spectacle. A small aeroplane will roar briefly and then be gone, a dwindling speck in the inverted bowl. But the helicopter sits there whining for ages, then disturbing the peace with that slow "whump whump whump" noise, which very gradually swells to a petulant crescendo of "chumpa chumpa chumpa". Finally, after it has ruined the lives of thousands, there it is, two feet off the ground looking terribly pleased with itself. Look at me! Look at me! I can hover. Ha!
Yes, yes, yes, that's terribly good. Now kindly buzz off, take your little chopper with you, and leave me alone to reassemble my newspaper.
Because helicopters can't really fly, they are inherently risky. Lots can go wrong with my small aeroplane before disaster threatens. The engine can disintegrate, bits can fall off, some of the controls can seize, and I could still get it down. But in a helicopter, every mechanical component seems to be critical, and if just one of them breaks you find yourself in the sky in a big box of Meccano.
But then, there is a precedent in nature for fixed-wing flight, in the gliding of seagulls and eagles. If you could somehow take a light aeroplane up in a balloon and toss it out, it would sort itself out and start flying; even if the engine was off and there was no one on board.
This isn't true of a helicopter, because without considerable human intervention it's just a dodo of a fuselage with some flappy bits on top. Nature did not give us a model for the helicopter, which is why it took such a long time to get right. Some of you will want to write in and direct me to the sycamore seed, but, strictly speaking, that is an autogiro. So there.
The beauty of rotary-winged craft, as all helicopter apologists like to point out, is that they can land pretty much anywhere. This is precisely the problem. The pilot of a proper aeroplane is forced by circumstance (but would anyway, because he or she is a decent sort) to land some way off and complete the last bit of the journey by foot, bicycle or taxi.
The helicopterist, meanwhile, because he can, will land on the lawn of a pleasant country house hotel where I'm staying. One moment I'm at peace on the terrace enjoying what Heat magazine would call a ''cheeky'' wine, then suddenly there's Melba toast all over the place. It really is abominably intrusive.
Why is this relevant here? Because I believe that the future of personal transport is in the air, and that the pleasure we derive from driving will one day have to be sought in the sky.
Join me up there, on the wings of a dove. Not sitting under an angry palm tree.
I had a big laugh and i have to admit...in some parts I do see his point.
On the other hand I also have to admit that I'm a big Top Gear fan
I guess Richard Hammond got rotary-infected during this BBC show:
On the other hand I also have to admit that I'm a big Top Gear fan
I guess Richard Hammond got rotary-infected during this BBC show:
Last edited by Senior Pilot; 9th Jun 2009 at 09:21. Reason: embed YouTube link
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I think he makes a few good points, and it is not entirely off the mark. It just depends on your viewpoint and perspective. Quite an amusing article, not to be taken too seriously.
Personally I think the helicopter is a mastery of flying, with precision and finesse, unlike the fixed wing clumsiness of throwing yourself into the air to get away from the ground and then trusting yourself in a controlled crash at the end to get back on to it. Much more pleasant to be able to stop first, then choose your moment to meet mother earth again, when both you and her are ready!
Personally I think the helicopter is a mastery of flying, with precision and finesse, unlike the fixed wing clumsiness of throwing yourself into the air to get away from the ground and then trusting yourself in a controlled crash at the end to get back on to it. Much more pleasant to be able to stop first, then choose your moment to meet mother earth again, when both you and her are ready!
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A helicopter taking off is such a vulgar spectacle. A small aeroplane will roar briefly and then be gone, a dwindling speck in the inverted bowl. But the helicopter sits there whining for ages, then disturbing the peace with that slow "whump whump whump" noise, which very gradually swells to a petulant crescendo of "chumpa chumpa chumpa". Finally, after it has ruined the lives of thousands, there it is, two feet off the ground looking terribly pleased with itself. Look at me! Look at me! I can hover. Ha!
A helicopter flies door to door, period. An aeroplane needs to fly to yet another runway at its intended destination, or more likely at some other remote and inconvenient destination, often covered in cow dung, from where the occupants must find their weary way to the hotel.
A helicopter pilot will arrive at his destination fresh as a daisy, a mercurial figure, which never fails to hugely impress the assembled swooning women. The aeroplane pilot, having arrived tired and weary from his road journey from the cow pasture, headset and crumpled aviation chart in hand, will be obliged to seek out some lonely, bored looking lady and in his dishevelled state declare, weakly "Hi, I'm a pilot!"
Shy Torque, to quote you, A helicopter pilot will arrive at his desitination fresh as a daisy. Are you serious?
I had not done a 10 hour day for a year or so until yesterday, I could hardly walk for about 15 minutes after I landed, not really fresh as a daisy!
Anyone else come out the machine after a LONG day, springing out the right hand side and looking forward to getting the hose out and giving it a good wash, 'cos you are so full of energy?
I must be doing something wrong
James May, well look at his Top Gear record, he is not the most outgoing bloke on the show
I had not done a 10 hour day for a year or so until yesterday, I could hardly walk for about 15 minutes after I landed, not really fresh as a daisy!
Anyone else come out the machine after a LONG day, springing out the right hand side and looking forward to getting the hose out and giving it a good wash, 'cos you are so full of energy?
I must be doing something wrong
James May, well look at his Top Gear record, he is not the most outgoing bloke on the show
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A helicopter flies door to door, period.
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small biplanes built by De Havilland out of bed-making materials
Lots can go wrong with my small aeroplane before disaster threatens. The engine can disintegrate, bits can fall off, some of the controls can seize, and I could still get it down.
Hmm... I think he should carry on talking to his "mate" Colin!!
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Hey Heliringer, I;m with you on that. To quote Shytorque 'a helicopter pilot will arrive at his destination fresh as a daisy, a mercurial figure, which never fails to hugely impress the assembled swooning women'., I certainly didn;t feel like that yesterday after 10 hours of prescision longline with heavy loads, going into a tight drill deck ,I felt like an exhausted wreck, and all I got waiting for me when I arrived at me destination was a load of sweaty drillers waiting to be flown out for night shift.I also must be doing something wrong
Pretty entertaining article though, and I would think written a little 'tongue in cheek' as they say.
Pretty entertaining article though, and I would think written a little 'tongue in cheek' as they say.
The pilot of a proper aeroplane is forced by circumstance (but would anyway, because he or she is a decent sort) to land some way off and complete the last bit of the journey by foot, bicycle or taxi.
Aye Lads....he knows what he is talking about!
Helicopter pilots are notoriously lazy....we won't walk even a half dozen steps further than we have to and being used to the wind and dust....we naturally assume others are the same way!
Just how many of us are indeed...."Decent"?
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Hey, c'mon, guys...whose side are you lot on? 
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Is there not appruner out there who could offer to change his mind on Heli's by maybe taking him for a flight?
I would of course, but offering a flight for free might loose me my hard won job and as for paying for it myself that ain't gonna happen!
Could make good tv, plank V's flingwing.
I would of course, but offering a flight for free might loose me my hard won job and as for paying for it myself that ain't gonna happen!
Could make good tv, plank V's flingwing.