Quality - What It Means
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"Is British- Is shi*tish"
Reminds me of when I was a mech in another life where I did my apprenticeship mostly on Pommie junk...
* The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness"
* Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
* Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
* Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
* The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off. The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn.
* The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
* "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou...
* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo - It sank!
* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they meet too much resistance.
* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, as they all look the same ?" "He replied, it does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
*Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
* Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
* QA called and told the Engineering they had trouble with his design shorting out so he made the wires longer.
* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
* Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: " Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."
* Why do the English drink their beer WARM? Because their refrigerators are made by Lucas
Courtesy of Lucas [email protected]
Last edited by chainsaw; 27th Sep 2012 at 03:25.
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The difference between a Rolls Royce and a Commodore car?
Attention to detail.
As for the lucas theory of electrikkery - It runs on smoke.
ELECTRICAL THEORY OF SMOKE...BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (i.e., say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak", and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British Automobiles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.
It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electrics. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tires leak air and the British defence establishment leaks secrets...so, naturally, British electronics leak smoke.
Attention to detail.
As for the lucas theory of electrikkery - It runs on smoke.
ELECTRICAL THEORY OF SMOKE...BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (i.e., say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak", and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British Automobiles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.
It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electrics. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tires leak air and the British defence establishment leaks secrets...so, naturally, British electronics leak smoke.
Last edited by blackhand; 27th Sep 2012 at 04:35.
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Blackhand...
If Joseph Lucas (A.K.A the Prince of Darkness) asserted that electricity involved smoke, was he in any way involved in the origin of the saying '...to blow smoke up your arse...' with respect to that assertion?
Or are you doing that all by yourself with your story?
If Joseph Lucas (A.K.A the Prince of Darkness) asserted that electricity involved smoke, was he in any way involved in the origin of the saying '...to blow smoke up your arse...' with respect to that assertion?
Or are you doing that all by yourself with your story?
Last edited by chainsaw; 27th Sep 2012 at 10:18.
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@chainsaw-it's satire mate - and I didn't write it.
When wires smoke, how come the smoke is not the same color as the wire?
This is not completely true. When the smoke is in the wire, it is under pressure (called voltage). The pressure difference causes the color to change from the normal color we are used to. Not unlike the blood in our veins and arteries changing color due to the oxygen content. When the smoke escapes the wire and is exposed to air, the pressure is released, and the color reverts back to what we commonly recognize as smoke. The wire then changes to the color of the smoke that escaped.
When wires smoke, how come the smoke is not the same color as the wire?
This is not completely true. When the smoke is in the wire, it is under pressure (called voltage). The pressure difference causes the color to change from the normal color we are used to. Not unlike the blood in our veins and arteries changing color due to the oxygen content. When the smoke escapes the wire and is exposed to air, the pressure is released, and the color reverts back to what we commonly recognize as smoke. The wire then changes to the color of the smoke that escaped.
Last edited by blackhand; 27th Sep 2012 at 20:28.
Henry Ford
The principal part of a chisel is the cutting edge. If there is a single principle on which our business rests it is that. It makes no difference how finely made a chisel is or what splendid steel it has in it or how well it is forged—if it has no cutting edge it is not a chisel. It is just a piece of metal.
The principal part of a chisel is the cutting edge. If there is a single principle on which our business rests it is that. It makes no difference how finely made a chisel is or what splendid steel it has in it or how well it is forged—if it has no cutting edge it is not a chisel. It is just a piece of metal.
