I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Yes, Him
Join Date: Aug 1999
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Posted before but lost in the server crash a couple of years back:
Honington tower 1975-6ish.
Sprog ATC Fg Off wanders into crewroom and looks inside kettle which is full of limescale:
"Anybody know how to de-fur this kettle?".
J/T Paddy McFerran, (in Belfast accent): " Tell it to fack off till Tuesday".
Honington tower 1975-6ish.
Sprog ATC Fg Off wanders into crewroom and looks inside kettle which is full of limescale:
"Anybody know how to de-fur this kettle?".
J/T Paddy McFerran, (in Belfast accent): " Tell it to fack off till Tuesday".
Nixor ut Ledo
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Ahhh... the memories - George Blackie. Remember one occasion at Benson when he was letting me play with his Wessex (Blunties day out!). The hover was a particularly tricky maneouvre which, as an administrator, I couldn't quite get the hang of and was wildly over-correcting. George, to anyone who was listening, spake thus: "It's all in the wrist. Just imagine you're having a w*nk!"
Gentleman Aviator
Aaah Blackie!
Was with him at Shawbs doing a pre-NI Wessex refresher. 'Twas this time of year, prolly 84 or 85. Lots of Christmas drinks, GB and self bemoaning the baby pilots talking about mortgages, pensions, wives etc etc
GB: Ach Teeters, d'ye mind the time we were fg offs taegether at Odiham?
TH: Yes George.
GB: And if ye couldna eat it, drink it, fly it or fcuk it, ye didna talk to it or aboot it!
...and then there was the time when GB was an IRE on the OCU and we committed the cardinal sin of "drinking on the forecast" the night before my IRT! But the flying was sooooo smooooth and gentle!!
Was with him at Shawbs doing a pre-NI Wessex refresher. 'Twas this time of year, prolly 84 or 85. Lots of Christmas drinks, GB and self bemoaning the baby pilots talking about mortgages, pensions, wives etc etc
GB: Ach Teeters, d'ye mind the time we were fg offs taegether at Odiham?
TH: Yes George.
GB: And if ye couldna eat it, drink it, fly it or fcuk it, ye didna talk to it or aboot it!
...and then there was the time when GB was an IRE on the OCU and we committed the cardinal sin of "drinking on the forecast" the night before my IRT! But the flying was sooooo smooooth and gentle!!
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In the RAF of the 1950s and 60s I was privileged to serve with a lot of foreign and commonwealth colleagues – French, Polish, Czech, Chinese, Burmese, West Indian, African, all of whom had come to our aid in the dark days in the 30s and 40s and had all the WW2 medal ribbons.
One or two tales:
Flt Lt. Eddie Choy was a Formosan pilot, flying Lincolns, a charming man who once said, “One day we’ll run restaurants in this dump!”
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Flight Sergeant George Matejski was a Polish pilot. His casual acknowledgement to any instruction, whether on the ground or in the air, was “Ochki Dochki!” (Okay in English). With three of the four engines feathered, his fly-pasts at BofB shows were truly memorable. When hauled over the coals his response would be, “I got back from Germany on less than that. In a Wellington.”
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Pete Holc (name shortened from its yard-long original) was a Czech signaller who had married a Bradford girl during WW2. Of one particularly obnoxious Canadian member of a Hastings squadron, he remarked, in his charming Bradford-Czech accent, “Ze trobble viz zat blowke, he ain’t bluddy British…”
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One or two tales:
Flt Lt. Eddie Choy was a Formosan pilot, flying Lincolns, a charming man who once said, “One day we’ll run restaurants in this dump!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Flight Sergeant George Matejski was a Polish pilot. His casual acknowledgement to any instruction, whether on the ground or in the air, was “Ochki Dochki!” (Okay in English). With three of the four engines feathered, his fly-pasts at BofB shows were truly memorable. When hauled over the coals his response would be, “I got back from Germany on less than that. In a Wellington.”
---------------------------------------------------
Pete Holc (name shortened from its yard-long original) was a Czech signaller who had married a Bradford girl during WW2. Of one particularly obnoxious Canadian member of a Hastings squadron, he remarked, in his charming Bradford-Czech accent, “Ze trobble viz zat blowke, he ain’t bluddy British…”
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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Not Military but very funny!
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told b by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
Normski
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told b by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
Normski
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Remedial early morning PT post medical downgrading. This consisted of the "chicken run" (so named for the beautifully smelling battery that you pass) at Middle Wallop followed by the Hard arsed PTI´s giving you all sorts happy cheery how good it is to be fit lines. Of course this is wholly appreciated when the brain still hasn´t got out of sleep mode.....
Anyway, after one particularly greuling run the PTI decides to show a little sympathy:
PTI: Ok that was a good run. Now if each of you tell me where you feel the pain first I´ll be able to decide what form of exercise is best for you.
1st person: Legs
PTI: Ok, you need to build up these muscles therefore exercise bike and lower limb weights.
2nd person: Lungs
PTI: Ok, your aerobic capacity is low so more running and swimming for you.
Me: Ar5e
PTI: What! What do you mean "Ar5e"?
Me: Well its pretty fu(king sore, I´ve been breathing out of it the last 3 miles!
PTI takes it as a joke but then gets all serious again and tries to be sympathetic:
I had the same problem before doing the booty course!
Que parade over!
Anyway, after one particularly greuling run the PTI decides to show a little sympathy:
PTI: Ok that was a good run. Now if each of you tell me where you feel the pain first I´ll be able to decide what form of exercise is best for you.
1st person: Legs
PTI: Ok, you need to build up these muscles therefore exercise bike and lower limb weights.
2nd person: Lungs
PTI: Ok, your aerobic capacity is low so more running and swimming for you.
Me: Ar5e
PTI: What! What do you mean "Ar5e"?
Me: Well its pretty fu(king sore, I´ve been breathing out of it the last 3 miles!
PTI takes it as a joke but then gets all serious again and tries to be sympathetic:
I had the same problem before doing the booty course!
Que parade over!
Red On, Green On
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Scene: late 50s on one of HM's shiny destroyers in early December, alongside at Portsmouth.
A young, but married Lt. has been pestered by his wife to go Xmas shopping in London, so he approaches the Captain and asks him for a day's leave. Captain asks why, "to take my wife shopping" - Captain explodes, words to the effect of if she can't carry her own bags she's spent too much.
Another Lt. (my father), also newly married, had the same request, also needed to take new wife shopping. Heard the explosion, and approached the Captain, who asks why, "I'd like to visit my stockbroker, Sir, we've some things to discuss". Captain "Certainly, thought for a second you wanted to take your wife shopping, never heard of anything so ridiculous."
A young, but married Lt. has been pestered by his wife to go Xmas shopping in London, so he approaches the Captain and asks him for a day's leave. Captain asks why, "to take my wife shopping" - Captain explodes, words to the effect of if she can't carry her own bags she's spent too much.
Another Lt. (my father), also newly married, had the same request, also needed to take new wife shopping. Heard the explosion, and approached the Captain, who asks why, "I'd like to visit my stockbroker, Sir, we've some things to discuss". Captain "Certainly, thought for a second you wanted to take your wife shopping, never heard of anything so ridiculous."
I went through the Vickers FunBus OCU with a total ar$e of a Wg Cdr, known as Phnomh Penh L*n who was taking over the reins of the 'other' sqn. He made the course less enjoyable than it should have been, trying to push fellow students around and generally throwing his weight about..
One of his habits was to volunteer others to don LSJs, operate the MS26 etc down at Mountbatten "Flt Lt Bloggs will demo the LSJ" etc.
Come the AMTC, we even apologised to the staff for his obnoxious manner. "Don't worry chaps, we've come across bigger w@nkers than him", they assured us.
Then it was time for the disorientation chamber. "A volunteer please?" said the Kiwi skyquack. Before Phnomh Penh L*n could manage it, the doc carried on "Ah - looks like you're being volunteered, Sir" to him.
"I know just who did that - and he's lucky he's not coming to MY squadron"
"Yeah - I'm quite sure he'd agree with you there, Sir. Now would you get into the box, please?"
Much spluttering and protestation from PPL - who then made a complete cock of the disorientation trainer session!
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A different pompous senior officer on a SORF course at Leeming. Goes flying on the first trip of the day, comes back into crew room.
"Cup of tea, Sir?" enquires the QFI.
"Yes, please"
There is much rummaging around in the coffee bar, fridge etc followed by a curse or two. "Sorry - do you mind coffee mate?"
"Now look. Just because I'm a student on a course, there is no call for familiarity. I am a senior officer and expect normal standards of respect, young man"
"All right then, Sir. There's no f*****g milk, Sir, do you mind Coffeemate in your tea, Sir!....."
Much tittering from the rest of us.....
One of his habits was to volunteer others to don LSJs, operate the MS26 etc down at Mountbatten "Flt Lt Bloggs will demo the LSJ" etc.
Come the AMTC, we even apologised to the staff for his obnoxious manner. "Don't worry chaps, we've come across bigger w@nkers than him", they assured us.
Then it was time for the disorientation chamber. "A volunteer please?" said the Kiwi skyquack. Before Phnomh Penh L*n could manage it, the doc carried on "Ah - looks like you're being volunteered, Sir" to him.
"I know just who did that - and he's lucky he's not coming to MY squadron"
"Yeah - I'm quite sure he'd agree with you there, Sir. Now would you get into the box, please?"
Much spluttering and protestation from PPL - who then made a complete cock of the disorientation trainer session!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A different pompous senior officer on a SORF course at Leeming. Goes flying on the first trip of the day, comes back into crew room.
"Cup of tea, Sir?" enquires the QFI.
"Yes, please"
There is much rummaging around in the coffee bar, fridge etc followed by a curse or two. "Sorry - do you mind coffee mate?"
"Now look. Just because I'm a student on a course, there is no call for familiarity. I am a senior officer and expect normal standards of respect, young man"
"All right then, Sir. There's no f*****g milk, Sir, do you mind Coffeemate in your tea, Sir!....."
Much tittering from the rest of us.....
Gentleman Aviator
Speaking of pompous senior officers....
CFS(H) Course in late 1970s, FHT time. Very laid back exchange USAF mate down for FHT with CFI.
USAF Mate: What do you want me to call you during the trip sir?
CFI: Just treat me as you would a normal basic student.
USAF Mate: OK Ronnie baby, you all come along with me and I'll teach you to flaaaaay!
Collapse of pompous CFI....
CFS(H) Course in late 1970s, FHT time. Very laid back exchange USAF mate down for FHT with CFI.
USAF Mate: What do you want me to call you during the trip sir?
CFI: Just treat me as you would a normal basic student.
USAF Mate: OK Ronnie baby, you all come along with me and I'll teach you to flaaaaay!
Collapse of pompous CFI....
Join Date: Aug 2000
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Pompousity!
I was holding on 617 in the v early eighties at Scampton. Stringy Vest and I were the only two livers-in and most evenings we'd pop into the scruffs for an ale or two.
One evening, there was a well dressed female who was probably in her late thirties, standing at the bar. We introduced ourselves and started chatting. It transpired that she was married to an MOD civillian who was doing some blunty-work on the station.
"My husband is Wg Cdr status."
For the rest ofthe week that she was there, she was referred to as Mrs Status.
One evening, there was a well dressed female who was probably in her late thirties, standing at the bar. We introduced ourselves and started chatting. It transpired that she was married to an MOD civillian who was doing some blunty-work on the station.
"My husband is Wg Cdr status."
For the rest ofthe week that she was there, she was referred to as Mrs Status.
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GICASI's tale of firing the radalt up reminds me of the comment of an F4 nav (now deceased, God rest his soul) at groundschool many moons ago. The topic was stern high-flyers. Said nav reckoned that the way to get extra height in extremis in order to kill Ivan was to jettison the canopy and utilise the 10,000ft plus of aerodynamic suck! He couldn't understand why the rest of the squadron fell about in fits.
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Mrs Staus story reminds me of Caribean holiday a while ago.
Invite to Managers cocktail party arrives in room addressed to Mr Bloggs and Company.
All wives thereafter known as "company"
Invite to Managers cocktail party arrives in room addressed to Mr Bloggs and Company.
All wives thereafter known as "company"
"I was holding on 617 in the v early eighties at Scampton. Stringy Vest and I were the only two livers-in and most evenings we'd pop into the scruffs for an ale or two."
Ah - so that's who you are!
At the infamous Bucc OCU so-called 'Arrival Drinks' for our course - and was in reality a staff pi$$-up whilst they largely ignored the 6 of us - the Wg Cdr's wife had the temerity to say to the wife of one of our number "And which course are you on?" as she peered haughtily down her nose at her.
Big mistake. BIG! Because the girl in question was a fiery Scot with little time for pompous fools. So she gave said Wg Cdr's wife a few choice words indeed. Funnily enough though, her hubby was the only one of the first tourists on our course to graduate!
Ah - so that's who you are!
At the infamous Bucc OCU so-called 'Arrival Drinks' for our course - and was in reality a staff pi$$-up whilst they largely ignored the 6 of us - the Wg Cdr's wife had the temerity to say to the wife of one of our number "And which course are you on?" as she peered haughtily down her nose at her.
Big mistake. BIG! Because the girl in question was a fiery Scot with little time for pompous fools. So she gave said Wg Cdr's wife a few choice words indeed. Funnily enough though, her hubby was the only one of the first tourists on our course to graduate!
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VHF chat over the pond many years ago.
American Airlines trying to pass position report before the days of data link on HF to Gander but no xmit. Calls up on victor asking for a relay which, funny old thing, falls on deaf ears. Just then Birdseed Concord makes his report on HF which AA hears.
Chat on victor goes like this.
AA Say Concord can you do a position relay to Gander for me?
Concord (Sounding pi$$ed off) OK Send
AA Position blah .
Concord Sends to Gander then instructs American to call at 40 W
AA Say sir will you be able to make that report for me?
Concord Negative sir we will be out of VHF range with you by the time you get to 40W. (You can almost hear the thank god)
AA Say sir what altitude and speed are you guys doing?
Concord (Now sounding very pi$$ed off) Mach 2.1 at FL 590
AA Gee sir do you guys have to wear oxygen up there?
Concord (Now in finest BA / BBC diction) My dear chap I’m not even wearing a tie.
American Airlines trying to pass position report before the days of data link on HF to Gander but no xmit. Calls up on victor asking for a relay which, funny old thing, falls on deaf ears. Just then Birdseed Concord makes his report on HF which AA hears.
Chat on victor goes like this.
AA Say Concord can you do a position relay to Gander for me?
Concord (Sounding pi$$ed off) OK Send
AA Position blah .
Concord Sends to Gander then instructs American to call at 40 W
AA Say sir will you be able to make that report for me?
Concord Negative sir we will be out of VHF range with you by the time you get to 40W. (You can almost hear the thank god)
AA Say sir what altitude and speed are you guys doing?
Concord (Now sounding very pi$$ed off) Mach 2.1 at FL 590
AA Gee sir do you guys have to wear oxygen up there?
Concord (Now in finest BA / BBC diction) My dear chap I’m not even wearing a tie.
Gotta put this back to the top.
Just after the introduction of the Lynx AH9, aka "The Wheeliebin", some of the crews were invited down to the factory to be presented with ties and sundry freebies.
After a morning being shown around the sheds, we were in the boardroom having coffee when I happened to remark to one of the hosts,
"What a clever way to dispose of all those Whirlwind oleos."
Just after the introduction of the Lynx AH9, aka "The Wheeliebin", some of the crews were invited down to the factory to be presented with ties and sundry freebies.
After a morning being shown around the sheds, we were in the boardroom having coffee when I happened to remark to one of the hosts,
"What a clever way to dispose of all those Whirlwind oleos."
Same assembler of helicopter components, just after GW1. We took our cabs back to the UK for the parade and flypast, and did a site visit to thank the boys and girls for their support during recent ops.
Very proud senior bod took us to see the new composite blade shed. After giving us a speech about the manufacturing process, computer-controlled cutting and layup of composites, precision so good that each blade was identical in every way, end of tracking and balancing etc, he turned with a grand sweep of his arm, and followed our gaze at the young YTS yoof, hacking away at a roll of carbon fibre with sheep-shearing irons, surrounded by cardboard templates and pots of resin.
Very proud senior bod took us to see the new composite blade shed. After giving us a speech about the manufacturing process, computer-controlled cutting and layup of composites, precision so good that each blade was identical in every way, end of tracking and balancing etc, he turned with a grand sweep of his arm, and followed our gaze at the young YTS yoof, hacking away at a roll of carbon fibre with sheep-shearing irons, surrounded by cardboard templates and pots of resin.
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FI F4 line
After sortie chat:
Pilot to Nav - I always put my tomatoes into growbags in the greenhouse when I want them to mature.
100 year old WO: I've been in this mans air force for 40 years and I've never seen anything mature in a growbag.
After sortie chat:
Pilot to Nav - I always put my tomatoes into growbags in the greenhouse when I want them to mature.
100 year old WO: I've been in this mans air force for 40 years and I've never seen anything mature in a growbag.
Hovering in a field after a little low-level stuff, I turned to my buddy holding the map and said;
"OK, Mick, where are we?"
To which he replied;
"I dunno, you brought me here!"
"OK, Mick, where are we?"
To which he replied;
"I dunno, you brought me here!"
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Apocryphal, no !
Long time ago, RAF aircraft radio call into Farnborough for Air Show instructions and Information, "RAFair weeble wobble Quiffy one zero zero niner, Runway blabble blabble bloop info Whiskey blabble blabble,...... etc etc etc out !
Army Lynxie, "Turning left at Hawley lake !
Ah, the simple kiss philosophy at work ?
Long time ago, RAF aircraft radio call into Farnborough for Air Show instructions and Information, "RAFair weeble wobble Quiffy one zero zero niner, Runway blabble blabble bloop info Whiskey blabble blabble,...... etc etc etc out !
Army Lynxie, "Turning left at Hawley lake !
Ah, the simple kiss philosophy at work ?