I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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Late'ish 70's. New boss at London UAS - who subsequently went MRCA'ing (thats age for you) doing his 'Boss' salute' - everyone out to see the ex XV sqn (Pirates) steely eyed FJ pilot coping with the high stress cockpit environment that constituted the Bulldog (before IFR gear!).
Said newbie 3-ringer heard to run in nicely for his 200' break (Irish feet) and on the turn calls
"Lima Zero Six on the break 3 greens....."
We thick stoods spent weeks looking for the f£$%ing undercarraige lever......
Said newbie 3-ringer heard to run in nicely for his 200' break (Irish feet) and on the turn calls
"Lima Zero Six on the break 3 greens....."
We thick stoods spent weeks looking for the f£$%ing undercarraige lever......
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A few years back an E-3D diverted into Lyneham late one Friday, just in time for happy hour. The Albert chaps looked after us royally and much consumption of the laughing liquid took place.
By 2300 hrs one of the mission crew was engaged in conversation with a delightful young lady. Inexplicaby, (and no one can remember exactly why) said FC suddenly found himself drinking champagne from her shoe. As she turned to go and get a refill, the enamoured young officer turned to the nearest Albert mate and remarked with a twinkle in his eye,
'She'd get it!!!!'
Albert driver smiled knowingly and answered,
'She certainly does! And on a fairly regular basis. Thats my wife!!'
Luckily Albert and his missus thought it was hilarious and enjoyed the drinks rapidly purchased by the offending FC!!!!
By 2300 hrs one of the mission crew was engaged in conversation with a delightful young lady. Inexplicaby, (and no one can remember exactly why) said FC suddenly found himself drinking champagne from her shoe. As she turned to go and get a refill, the enamoured young officer turned to the nearest Albert mate and remarked with a twinkle in his eye,
'She'd get it!!!!'
Albert driver smiled knowingly and answered,
'She certainly does! And on a fairly regular basis. Thats my wife!!'
Luckily Albert and his missus thought it was hilarious and enjoyed the drinks rapidly purchased by the offending FC!!!!
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Hi all from warmer southern climes.
Not long after my graduation, a mate and I were sitting in the bar at a Bluntie base (doing some naf course), doing our best to drink them out of Cointreau. WGCDR type wanders up, asks if were had just come from SAN and makes general chit-chat. Topic comes up about fitness...."do you still do your lunchtime runs down there at SAN?" asks the wingco. "Nah," says I, "that was some old ****** of a CO's idea..they gave that up as soon as the bugger left!"
I couldn't really understand why he made a funny face, replied "Oh, really?" and wandered off. You guessed it. Found out next day, he was the dreaded jogging CO.
[This message has been edited by FerretTheFishHead (edited 10 April 2001).]
Not long after my graduation, a mate and I were sitting in the bar at a Bluntie base (doing some naf course), doing our best to drink them out of Cointreau. WGCDR type wanders up, asks if were had just come from SAN and makes general chit-chat. Topic comes up about fitness...."do you still do your lunchtime runs down there at SAN?" asks the wingco. "Nah," says I, "that was some old ****** of a CO's idea..they gave that up as soon as the bugger left!"
I couldn't really understand why he made a funny face, replied "Oh, really?" and wandered off. You guessed it. Found out next day, he was the dreaded jogging CO.
[This message has been edited by FerretTheFishHead (edited 10 April 2001).]
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Junglie detachment at northern crab station in winter snows.
The boys thought it a good idea to build a snowman, and went ahead. Crab police cruise by giggling. Snowman finished, carrot for dick etc and boys stand back to admire.
Crabpol landrover appears at speed and drives over the snowman.
Boys patiently rebuild snowman, crab plod reappear to do the dirty. Crash.... very mangled landrover.
This time the snowman was built around a bollard
The boys thought it a good idea to build a snowman, and went ahead. Crab police cruise by giggling. Snowman finished, carrot for dick etc and boys stand back to admire.
Crabpol landrover appears at speed and drives over the snowman.
Boys patiently rebuild snowman, crab plod reappear to do the dirty. Crash.... very mangled landrover.
This time the snowman was built around a bollard
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This particular tale comes second hand; it was told to me by one of the
cast, now conducting avaition in a 4 jet with not disimilar performance to a
Shacking great F*ucklebomber.
Shackleton crew on detachment from frozen north to Cornish Riviera
are spending the night enjoying the fruits of old Newquay town. One navigator
(wash your mouth out with Tollycobble) and our young blade co pilot (well he was then)
are somewhat the worse for wear having been indulging in a spot of hand to hand drinking.
Whilst syncopating ( musical term - an unsteady movement from bar to bar) down the main street nav mate's oratory powers attract the attention of the local filth who tell him to quieten it down a tad. This does not go down too well with our rat assed chum who proceeds to berate the constabulary who warn him that he is liable to to find himself on an inspection tour of their cells if he doesn't button it.
Undeterred the nav mate continues to push out the decibels and is promptly lifted by the boys in blue and slung in to the back of their Panda car. Co pilot mate, who had been minding his own business, decides that nicking his nav is outside of the M of Q rules and starts banging on roof of Panda shouting at the constables, humbly requesting that they release his incarcerated ( great pun-eh ?) chum. The banging on the roof of thePanda, oddly enough, does capture their attention and our young blade now finds himself locked in the slammer in the cell adjacent to his nav mate.
After an improbably lengthy wait, in the early hours of the morning the Flt Cdr is roused from his scratcher in the Mess and transported to the cop shop to spring our two heroes. Said Flt Cdr is not, for fairly obvious reasons, a happy bunny.
Door of cell opens and young blade espies Flt Cdr standing in doorway flanked by two burly coppers; says the first thing that pops into his head ...............
"F*ck me Sir have the b*st*rds got you as well ?"
cast, now conducting avaition in a 4 jet with not disimilar performance to a
Shacking great F*ucklebomber.
Shackleton crew on detachment from frozen north to Cornish Riviera
are spending the night enjoying the fruits of old Newquay town. One navigator
(wash your mouth out with Tollycobble) and our young blade co pilot (well he was then)
are somewhat the worse for wear having been indulging in a spot of hand to hand drinking.
Whilst syncopating ( musical term - an unsteady movement from bar to bar) down the main street nav mate's oratory powers attract the attention of the local filth who tell him to quieten it down a tad. This does not go down too well with our rat assed chum who proceeds to berate the constabulary who warn him that he is liable to to find himself on an inspection tour of their cells if he doesn't button it.
Undeterred the nav mate continues to push out the decibels and is promptly lifted by the boys in blue and slung in to the back of their Panda car. Co pilot mate, who had been minding his own business, decides that nicking his nav is outside of the M of Q rules and starts banging on roof of Panda shouting at the constables, humbly requesting that they release his incarcerated ( great pun-eh ?) chum. The banging on the roof of thePanda, oddly enough, does capture their attention and our young blade now finds himself locked in the slammer in the cell adjacent to his nav mate.
After an improbably lengthy wait, in the early hours of the morning the Flt Cdr is roused from his scratcher in the Mess and transported to the cop shop to spring our two heroes. Said Flt Cdr is not, for fairly obvious reasons, a happy bunny.
Door of cell opens and young blade espies Flt Cdr standing in doorway flanked by two burly coppers; says the first thing that pops into his head ...............
"F*ck me Sir have the b*st*rds got you as well ?"
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The morning after a particularly arduous dining-in at East Sale, a number of officers poured themselves onto a coach for a 3 hour drive to Melbourne. One particular nav was feeling particularly unwell and at the half way stop entertained all and sundry to a technicolour yawn outside the front door of a local hostelry. Has Mrs "Ferret" forgiven you yet?
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Recalled by a MOAM (mate-of-a-mate):
Scene: A piece of military controlled airspace, somewhere in the UK. A single-seat FJ is on the way, but all his efforts are thwarted by the particularly high level of Civilian PPL traffic
"XXXX radar, G-XXXX Cessna blah, Blah POB, 3000ft on RPS XXX Heading XXX degrees Request blah blah and FIS blah"
"Cherokee blah visual with blah requesting blah turning descending XXXX"
Exasperated, the most our hero can eventually manage:
"My Jag,
Your MATZ,
Two minutes!"
I wish I HAD said that..!
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...proceeding below Decision Height with CAUTION...
Scene: A piece of military controlled airspace, somewhere in the UK. A single-seat FJ is on the way, but all his efforts are thwarted by the particularly high level of Civilian PPL traffic
"XXXX radar, G-XXXX Cessna blah, Blah POB, 3000ft on RPS XXX Heading XXX degrees Request blah blah and FIS blah"
"Cherokee blah visual with blah requesting blah turning descending XXXX"
Exasperated, the most our hero can eventually manage:
"My Jag,
Your MATZ,
Two minutes!"
I wish I HAD said that..!
------------------
...proceeding below Decision Height with CAUTION...
Guest
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Good post! Occasionally ATC forget that mil aeroplanes are rather quick. Back in 1976 I had to take a Hunter to St Athan for an airshow (static). Rhoose required a call at 40 miles out, so, as I was pottering around S. Wales at 480KIAS, I just called 'Rhoose, C/S is 5 minutes out for St Athan, break to land'. This caused consternation - squawk this, do that, call the other - so I just said 'Field in sight, to local' and greeted the Viet Taff with a decent blue note some 5 mins later.
Not these fluffy-huggy PC days though. Waddapissa!!!
Not these fluffy-huggy PC days though. Waddapissa!!!
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University Air Squadron Bulldog, whose power setting in the circuit is 15" mercury. New student being taught how to make main control adjustments without looking at the dials is an attractive 19 or 20-year old girl. Instructor, a pleasant, quietly-spoken chap of West-Indian extraction says "Take that so you can see what 15 inches feels like". Neither able to fly for 5 minutes.
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'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'
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'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'
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2 things
[a]GDT
In the 60's [BOF] I got jankers for saying that IF I saw the flash, I would be blind BEFORE I turned away
[b] (Ultimate) One upmanship!!!!!
U.S. 6th Fleet passing a R.N. Sqn..
"Say, hows it feel to be the Worlds second biggest Navy?"
R.N.
"Fine thanks, hows it feel to be the Worlds second best"
1965 off the Frozen North
[a]GDT
In the 60's [BOF] I got jankers for saying that IF I saw the flash, I would be blind BEFORE I turned away
[b] (Ultimate) One upmanship!!!!!
U.S. 6th Fleet passing a R.N. Sqn..
"Say, hows it feel to be the Worlds second biggest Navy?"
R.N.
"Fine thanks, hows it feel to be the Worlds second best"
1965 off the Frozen North
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In a previous incarnation I was in ATC at the old "steam driven" Eastern radar. One day on the next console to a well known Irish gentleman I heard him give avoiding action to a Jaguar just crossing MC6 inbound to CSL from Germany. Being above 245 the mate obliges with "thirty right" for a few miles whereupon your man clears him Own Nav to CSL. The mate enquires the reason for the avoid as he hasn't seen anthing yet. "Oh", replies controller" there's an F-4 a few miles behind and I thought you may like to get out of the way". (This shortly after the Jag shootdown by F-4)
Same controller was blithely driving Lakenheath inbounds through Wyton fix one day when the 5B (Wyton/Alconbury CAC console) stood up, turned round, yelled "XXXX get out of my f***ing fix. Co-ordination agreed" and sat back down again.
Sticker seen on Sydney harbour Bridge, "Midland Radar Overhead starts here"
The most senior F/O in the RAF inadvertantly hit the line for Midland when he meant to get another adjacent unit. It seems the boss at Muddlband was not happy when he said "Midland? Sorry, I wanted a radar unit!"
Laugh? I nearly bought a round!
Keep them coming, I haven't spent such an enjoyable evening on PpRUNE for a long time.
Doc C.
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'An intellectual is someone who has been educated beyond common sense.'
Same controller was blithely driving Lakenheath inbounds through Wyton fix one day when the 5B (Wyton/Alconbury CAC console) stood up, turned round, yelled "XXXX get out of my f***ing fix. Co-ordination agreed" and sat back down again.
Sticker seen on Sydney harbour Bridge, "Midland Radar Overhead starts here"
The most senior F/O in the RAF inadvertantly hit the line for Midland when he meant to get another adjacent unit. It seems the boss at Muddlband was not happy when he said "Midland? Sorry, I wanted a radar unit!"
Laugh? I nearly bought a round!
Keep them coming, I haven't spent such an enjoyable evening on PpRUNE for a long time.
Doc C.
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'An intellectual is someone who has been educated beyond common sense.'
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The scene: Rockhampton (North Queensland). Shoalwater Bay R areas active with multiple military movements. FNQ (I think), an F27, calls Rocky Area (As it was way back then), requesting a clearance to enter CTA.
ATC: FNQ, clearance not available, remain OCTA, mutiple miltary movements, blah blah..."
ATC: "Wallaby 452, clearance....."
ATC: "Wallaby 629, clearance....."
Followed by many more.
After a while, the tower controller looks up and sees an F27 vacating the runway and taxiing in.
ATC: "FNQ, did you just enter and land without a clearance!?"
FNQ: "Don't worry, mate, we were Wallaby 722!"
ATC: FNQ, clearance not available, remain OCTA, mutiple miltary movements, blah blah..."
ATC: "Wallaby 452, clearance....."
ATC: "Wallaby 629, clearance....."
Followed by many more.
After a while, the tower controller looks up and sees an F27 vacating the runway and taxiing in.
ATC: "FNQ, did you just enter and land without a clearance!?"
FNQ: "Don't worry, mate, we were Wallaby 722!"
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Holbeach Range, late eighties.
"GAF 1234 in hot"
Al Bennet, "Clear Hot"
Silence.
"Errrr, GAF 1234 can ve haff our bomp score?"
Bennett, "No"
"GAF 1234, Vy Not"
Bennett, "Cos you bombed our chip shop"
"GAF 1234, couln't haff been me, I saw ver my bomp landed and I don't sink I cud haff hit your chip shop."
Bennett, "OK then , 12 o'clock, 150 feet."
"Thank you Sir".
On another occasion, Jason was out on the range mooching around in the land rover. Holbeach (as those who frequent it will know) is criss-crossed with many gullies. Jason being a daring sort was always "pushing the envelope" and ended up on his side at the bottom of a gulley. The call we received on Storno was quite amusing. Jason, still full of cool,"Tower rover rover's over over!"
When we stopped laughing we went and rescued him.
Doc C
ps, used real names cos the guys involved are both marvellous characters and deserve recognition for their deeds!
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'An intellectual is someone who has been educated beyond common sense.'
[This message has been edited by Doctor Cruces (edited 23 April 2001).]
"GAF 1234 in hot"
Al Bennet, "Clear Hot"
Silence.
"Errrr, GAF 1234 can ve haff our bomp score?"
Bennett, "No"
"GAF 1234, Vy Not"
Bennett, "Cos you bombed our chip shop"
"GAF 1234, couln't haff been me, I saw ver my bomp landed and I don't sink I cud haff hit your chip shop."
Bennett, "OK then , 12 o'clock, 150 feet."
"Thank you Sir".
On another occasion, Jason was out on the range mooching around in the land rover. Holbeach (as those who frequent it will know) is criss-crossed with many gullies. Jason being a daring sort was always "pushing the envelope" and ended up on his side at the bottom of a gulley. The call we received on Storno was quite amusing. Jason, still full of cool,"Tower rover rover's over over!"
When we stopped laughing we went and rescued him.
Doc C
ps, used real names cos the guys involved are both marvellous characters and deserve recognition for their deeds!
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'An intellectual is someone who has been educated beyond common sense.'
[This message has been edited by Doctor Cruces (edited 23 April 2001).]
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Mid-nineties at that great RAF holiday camp in the med, young and very pissed Herc co-pilot stumbles back from Akrotiti village all by himself having lost his crew. Our hero gets to the main gate only to find that he has lost his ID card.
Plod: "No ID, no entry."
Hero: "Do you know who I am, I have to fly tomorrow. If you can't let me in then get me someone important, now!"
After a short wait...
SDO: "If you've got no ID, you've only youself to blame and you can't come in"
Hero: "I have to come in to fly tomorrow, and anyway who ther f**k are you?"
SDO: "I'm OC GD."
Hero to Plod: "I told you to get me someone important, you idiot. Get me someone with a brevet, now."
Queue outraged squawks followed by the clink of the cell door.
Bosnia, 1998, visit of Canadian Prime Minister+many bodyguards and flunkies flown around by the Mighty Wokka. While PM is talking to canadian infantry types, a random bloke in civvies wanders up to Chinook crewman.
Civvy: "So, what do you think of the EH101 then"
Crewman: "It's a piece of s**t. It has the same footprint as a Chinook but can only manage a Puma payload. It costs a f*****g fortune and we could have bought twice as many new Chinooks for half the price. We hate it, the army hate it and I can't believe that their airships let the politicians stitch us up with another piece of Westland c**p just to keep them in business."
Civvie: "Ah, that's a pity. I'm the Canadian Defence Minister and I've just bought forty of them."
Plod: "No ID, no entry."
Hero: "Do you know who I am, I have to fly tomorrow. If you can't let me in then get me someone important, now!"
After a short wait...
SDO: "If you've got no ID, you've only youself to blame and you can't come in"
Hero: "I have to come in to fly tomorrow, and anyway who ther f**k are you?"
SDO: "I'm OC GD."
Hero to Plod: "I told you to get me someone important, you idiot. Get me someone with a brevet, now."
Queue outraged squawks followed by the clink of the cell door.
Bosnia, 1998, visit of Canadian Prime Minister+many bodyguards and flunkies flown around by the Mighty Wokka. While PM is talking to canadian infantry types, a random bloke in civvies wanders up to Chinook crewman.
Civvy: "So, what do you think of the EH101 then"
Crewman: "It's a piece of s**t. It has the same footprint as a Chinook but can only manage a Puma payload. It costs a f*****g fortune and we could have bought twice as many new Chinooks for half the price. We hate it, the army hate it and I can't believe that their airships let the politicians stitch us up with another piece of Westland c**p just to keep them in business."
Civvie: "Ah, that's a pity. I'm the Canadian Defence Minister and I've just bought forty of them."
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UAS early 80's AOC's inspection with relatively new and very keen boss. AOC walks up line of assembled reprobates and stops.
"And what's your name?" enquires the AOC
"I'm surprised you don't remember" answers alert Cadet Pilot "I did tell you last year" Boss turns pale, parade within earshot dissolve in mirth. I heard a rumour some years later that said Cdt.Plt. had joined some branch of the diplomatic service.
"And what's your name?" enquires the AOC
"I'm surprised you don't remember" answers alert Cadet Pilot "I did tell you last year" Boss turns pale, parade within earshot dissolve in mirth. I heard a rumour some years later that said Cdt.Plt. had joined some branch of the diplomatic service.