I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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Strobin' Purple
Yep szentkirritakanwa was a top night out. The Hungarian lads were teachin me top phrases which seemed to work on the women in one place we went to. Would say more but too incriminating.
But needless to say things were oot fer the lads.
Yep szentkirritakanwa was a top night out. The Hungarian lads were teachin me top phrases which seemed to work on the women in one place we went to. Would say more but too incriminating.
But needless to say things were oot fer the lads.
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Great stuff! Only a small offering, little by comparison, but:
Control; 'Mike 4 send location, over'
Mike 4 ; 'Control, I'm standing by a tree over.'
Not one of my brightest people...
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'How much longer Ops? The engine's overheating and so am I, we either stand down or blow up, which do you want?'
Control; 'Mike 4 send location, over'
Mike 4 ; 'Control, I'm standing by a tree over.'
Not one of my brightest people...
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'How much longer Ops? The engine's overheating and so am I, we either stand down or blow up, which do you want?'
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Two Sleek grey messengers of death (well Sea Kings anyway) in company travelling along the south coast from Cornwall, on talking to Portland approach (Female controller)lead was heard to say;
"Portland Approach this is ...... Two Navy G Strings in company....."
I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that they were on the way to Hamburg?
"Portland Approach this is ...... Two Navy G Strings in company....."
I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that they were on the way to Hamburg?
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While attending annual GDT training refresher at RAF Brampton in 1990 the RAF Regt Cpl was covering NBC subjects. He was telling us the effects of a nuclear explosion and how the 'FLASH' was very bright. He then told us that the 'FLASH'was so strong that even today the Japanese walk around with their eyes half closed in a squint!
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Circa 1980 I was in the tower at Lossie (God knows Y) on the day of the AFI and witnessed the following. Lossie was a 3 Gp station even in those days ( 1 Gp Jags, 11 Gp Shacks and 18 Gp SAR Buoys and Buccs). Their respective Lordships were due to arrive independently in HS125s. First one lands and asks for directions. Dim airtrafikerperson decisively give him a 180 and backtrack to the SAR Flight (18 Gp). Confidence starts its downward spiral. Changes his mind and tells him to take next right for 8 Sqn (11 Gp). SATCO arrives with schedule in hand and throws a wheel. Seems its AOC 18 Gp after all. Gets another 180 and is sent off to the Flight. Single terse "Thanks a bunch chum" was the last we heard from him. God it hurt 
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I wish HE hadn't said that 
Still working my way through the pages of laughs and really enjoying it all - came to page 15, John Nichol's TACEVAL endex happy hour story. Still laughing when I thought, hang on, OC Supply (Sqn Ldr) at Laarbruch from 1987 - 1990.........was .........ME!!!!!
My lovely wife Stephanie, ex-Admin Sec WRAF, ex-ADC to AOT, and 20 years my junior was as slim and gorgeous then as she is now!! Your young 'growbag' must have been more pissed than usual!! Oh John, she's due back from teaching her latest martial arts class any moment now, so I hope she doesn't see page 15. She will though, I'm sure, as I've just printed it off and left it in a prominent position, sorry! Cross Dorset off your 'signing books roster' me ol' mate. By the way, was that the TACEVAL happy hour where the young, high-spirited, growbags pushed a hosepipe in through the window of OC Operations official car and filled it with water?!! Happy days
Still working my way through the pages of laughs and really enjoying it all - came to page 15, John Nichol's TACEVAL endex happy hour story. Still laughing when I thought, hang on, OC Supply (Sqn Ldr) at Laarbruch from 1987 - 1990.........was .........ME!!!!!
My lovely wife Stephanie, ex-Admin Sec WRAF, ex-ADC to AOT, and 20 years my junior was as slim and gorgeous then as she is now!! Your young 'growbag' must have been more pissed than usual!! Oh John, she's due back from teaching her latest martial arts class any moment now, so I hope she doesn't see page 15. She will though, I'm sure, as I've just printed it off and left it in a prominent position, sorry! Cross Dorset off your 'signing books roster' me ol' mate. By the way, was that the TACEVAL happy hour where the young, high-spirited, growbags pushed a hosepipe in through the window of OC Operations official car and filled it with water?!! Happy days
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ohmygodyes:
From someone my ex-puma mate knows in the Royal Logistics Corps:
MILITARY ACTIONS UPON ENCOUNTERING A SNAKE
Infantry: Tracks snake through jungle with blowpipe. Snake smells them and rapidly leaves area, travelling upwind.
Parachute Regiment: Lands on and kills snake. Tabs to objective.
Armour: Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.
Cavalry: Treats snake with haughty disdain as it has no impact on the primary objective - to hold London against the Roundheads at all costs.
Royal Marines Commando: Plays with snake, gets naked together then eats snake.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating the snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.
Artillery: Misses snake despite massive time on target barrage. Tree blown up by stray shot falls on snake and kills it. Mission is declared a success and all participants are awarded medals for valour.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake and, ignoring all Foreign Office directives,builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best seller "Python Two Zero".
Army Medical Services: Blames death of snake on DCS 15 cutbacks.
Royal Navy: Fires missiles (various) from ships (various). Kills snake - (with a probability of 95%). Makes presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.
TA: Kills snake by accident on weekend away. Keeps quiet about it.
RAF: Obtains GPS co-ordinates for snake. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Can't find snake. Drops bombs in sea on way home. Returns to base for fuel, crew rest, collect dry-cleaning and manicure.
Joint Helicopter Command: Unable to locate snake due to poor Infra-Red signature.
Intelligence Corps: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of the 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low.
Defence Logistic Organisation: Orders 1 year study by McKinsey & Co consultants at cost of 1.5Million and generating massive work at staff officer level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output costing savings by allowing snake meat to be used in Tri-Service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed at Bath, with 2-star steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all Service messes and ration packs by 2002. Snake meat experts from Special Forces and Ghurkhas not consulted. High profile 2Million PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott and retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their excessive pensions. Snake meat launched in Service messes and restaurants to resounding lack of interest. Desperate to recoup lost money, Army demolishes 300 married quarters and sells excess snake meat holdings to Indian and Canadian Armed Forces.
From someone my ex-puma mate knows in the Royal Logistics Corps:
MILITARY ACTIONS UPON ENCOUNTERING A SNAKE
Infantry: Tracks snake through jungle with blowpipe. Snake smells them and rapidly leaves area, travelling upwind.
Parachute Regiment: Lands on and kills snake. Tabs to objective.
Armour: Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.
Cavalry: Treats snake with haughty disdain as it has no impact on the primary objective - to hold London against the Roundheads at all costs.
Royal Marines Commando: Plays with snake, gets naked together then eats snake.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating the snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.
Artillery: Misses snake despite massive time on target barrage. Tree blown up by stray shot falls on snake and kills it. Mission is declared a success and all participants are awarded medals for valour.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake and, ignoring all Foreign Office directives,builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best seller "Python Two Zero".
Army Medical Services: Blames death of snake on DCS 15 cutbacks.
Royal Navy: Fires missiles (various) from ships (various). Kills snake - (with a probability of 95%). Makes presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.
TA: Kills snake by accident on weekend away. Keeps quiet about it.
RAF: Obtains GPS co-ordinates for snake. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Can't find snake. Drops bombs in sea on way home. Returns to base for fuel, crew rest, collect dry-cleaning and manicure.
Joint Helicopter Command: Unable to locate snake due to poor Infra-Red signature.
Intelligence Corps: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of the 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low.
Defence Logistic Organisation: Orders 1 year study by McKinsey & Co consultants at cost of 1.5Million and generating massive work at staff officer level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output costing savings by allowing snake meat to be used in Tri-Service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed at Bath, with 2-star steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all Service messes and ration packs by 2002. Snake meat experts from Special Forces and Ghurkhas not consulted. High profile 2Million PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott and retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their excessive pensions. Snake meat launched in Service messes and restaurants to resounding lack of interest. Desperate to recoup lost money, Army demolishes 300 married quarters and sells excess snake meat holdings to Indian and Canadian Armed Forces.
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Hats on Interview in AOT's Office
Situation: Married, unaccompanied Sqn Ldr, living in the Mess during the week, has been found to be having 'relations' with a single, Flt Lt WRAF.
AOT: FLt Lt *******, this could have had serious repercussions for you. What precautions did you take?
Flt Lt WRAF: We locked the door sir!
Situation: Married, unaccompanied Sqn Ldr, living in the Mess during the week, has been found to be having 'relations' with a single, Flt Lt WRAF.
AOT: FLt Lt *******, this could have had serious repercussions for you. What precautions did you take?
Flt Lt WRAF: We locked the door sir!
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Binbrook. Mid-eigties.
Lightning Jock bounds up Tower steps, stops at Switchboard Room.
Jock: "Hi peeps - anyone got change of a tenner?"
AATC (might have been me!) reaches for tea bar tin: "Sure, whaddaya want, five and ones - smaller?.
Jock: "Hang on a mo - don't you pay compliments to officers?"
AATC: "Sorry Sir, I forgot myself."
Jock: "OK, lets start again shall we".
AATC: "Of course Sir, sorry".
Jock: "Right - have you got change of £10?
AATC: "No Sir."
..that'll learn 'im!
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....wasn't there, no one saw me!
Lightning Jock bounds up Tower steps, stops at Switchboard Room.
Jock: "Hi peeps - anyone got change of a tenner?"
AATC (might have been me!) reaches for tea bar tin: "Sure, whaddaya want, five and ones - smaller?.
Jock: "Hang on a mo - don't you pay compliments to officers?"
AATC: "Sorry Sir, I forgot myself."
Jock: "OK, lets start again shall we".
AATC: "Of course Sir, sorry".
Jock: "Right - have you got change of £10?
AATC: "No Sir."
..that'll learn 'im!
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....wasn't there, no one saw me!
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Years ago - I was lead Gaz of two trying to cross Lyneham Matz, South to North. Fat Albert doing circuits, v. sexy-sounding female controller tells us to hold at the S airfield boundary as said Fat Albert is short finals.
ATC (to Fat Albert): "Be informed, I'm holding two choppers at the Southern airfield boundary.
Uncontrollable Guffaws from Albert!!
ATC (to Fat Albert): "Be informed, I'm holding two choppers at the Southern airfield boundary.
Uncontrollable Guffaws from Albert!!
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Trundling back from somewhere objectionable as a flight deck pax on Albert, heard over the R/T:
"London Mil this is Speedbird 123, request routing direct to XXX"
"Speedbird123 negative...The ranges are still active and are expecting a few more visitors today. That routing would put you right through the middle of it all"
Brief pause.
"Are you sure they're still active? It IS Friday afternoon you know"
"London Mil this is Speedbird 123, request routing direct to XXX"
"Speedbird123 negative...The ranges are still active and are expecting a few more visitors today. That routing would put you right through the middle of it all"
Brief pause.
"Are you sure they're still active? It IS Friday afternoon you know"
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On being informed that they have a night air lift back to base, the first question a foot patrol in Fermanagh in the 80's used to ask was 'who would be picking them up?'
When asked why, and does it matter,
I was informed that yes it does,
If it is Navy they would settle down and await the pick up.
If it was Army they would keep moving and arrange another pick up closer to base.
If it was RAF they would continue moving and hope to get there before breakfast.
When asked why, and does it matter,
I was informed that yes it does,
If it is Navy they would settle down and await the pick up.
If it was Army they would keep moving and arrange another pick up closer to base.
If it was RAF they would continue moving and hope to get there before breakfast.
Falklands, early 82 hanging about over the onion range waiting to unload 1234 of HEI at dead pukara watching 2 Gr3's doing rockets. GR3 no1 had trouble with 'patching'-whatever that was but decided to do his best and finished up jettisoning his sneb cans by mistake. Helpful GR3 no2 quoth " bit short Des!". No names no pack drill.
be careful out there.
be careful out there.
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Exrotarybooty - OOOOOPS! Sos old boy; I was sure it was OC Blankets - please accept my undying, sincere & embarrassed apols. Whoever's wife it was wasn't slim & gorgeous - so it can't have been yours! Wonder if it was OC Teaching? Ho Hum.
We may be thinking of different TACEVALs - I think the most famous incident from that one was the roof party on the mess when XV took up residence on roof complete with garden furniture & drinks. You might remember that two of them ended up in wheelchairs for a number of weeks after jumping off to get a round in and breaking three heels between them. As you say, Halcyon days.
We may be thinking of different TACEVALs - I think the most famous incident from that one was the roof party on the mess when XV took up residence on roof complete with garden furniture & drinks. You might remember that two of them ended up in wheelchairs for a number of weeks after jumping off to get a round in and breaking three heels between them. As you say, Halcyon days.
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On a night out in the delightful Italian town of Pordenone, where the Aviano-based E-3D crews used to stay, a large, somewhat aloof and on this occasion rather drunk flt cdr went with a party from his crew to a well-known restaurant in town. So confused was the great man that he sat down with two place settings in front of him. "Why have I got two napkins here?", he demanded. With razor-sharp timing that instantly set his career back several years, a young sergeant told him that that would be "one for each of your faces, Sir." Collapse of stout party.