RAF Police, waste of space or not?
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 74
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Go go ivrytwr3! Good on yer!
This whole topic reminds me of the time I first had my collar felt by the RAF fuzz. Unfortunately I was playing rugby for Finningley at Newton in the late eighties. There was a whole rent-a-crowd of baby fuzzettes on the side line. I had chipped the ball over their last man and was doing my best Billy Whizz impression down the line to collect the ball when one of the bl00dy spectators grabbed my collar and pulled me down! Oh how I chuckled at their jolly jape!
This whole topic reminds me of the time I first had my collar felt by the RAF fuzz. Unfortunately I was playing rugby for Finningley at Newton in the late eighties. There was a whole rent-a-crowd of baby fuzzettes on the side line. I had chipped the ball over their last man and was doing my best Billy Whizz impression down the line to collect the ball when one of the bl00dy spectators grabbed my collar and pulled me down! Oh how I chuckled at their jolly jape!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 12
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
monkeybumhead
Thanks for the explanation regarding the parking problems. However, I am dismayed that that was all you deemed worthy to comment on.
As you can see your original post has provoked quite a reaction from both your flying colleagues and the RAF Police. I was hoping for something reminiscent of an apology for your stereotypical view of my trade.
Thanks for the explanation regarding the parking problems. However, I am dismayed that that was all you deemed worthy to comment on.
As you can see your original post has provoked quite a reaction from both your flying colleagues and the RAF Police. I was hoping for something reminiscent of an apology for your stereotypical view of my trade.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 119
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Admittedly not all RAF rozzers are bad, there are a couple here at Lyneham that are ok. It's the ones who go out of their way to give the rest of us a hard time and being complete jobsworths. For example, imagine going to your car just to pop to the post office on camp to renew your road tax on the 1st of the month only to find it was ticketed at about 1:30am for expired road tax.
On the subject of coppers on the gates, they don't do it at lyneham apart from the odd occasion first thing when it is busy (unless it is absolutly hammering down). And is it too hard to walk the 200 yards from the guardroom to the mess when you have to eat?
On the subject of coppers on the gates, they don't do it at lyneham apart from the odd occasion first thing when it is busy (unless it is absolutly hammering down). And is it too hard to walk the 200 yards from the guardroom to the mess when you have to eat?
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Apa, apo ndi kulikonse!
Posts: 1,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Whatever next - pick on the chefs..... the suppliers.... MT Drivers....?
They are what they are - and the ones I have encountered have generally been OK (no greater proportion of numpties than any other branch!!)
The only run in I ever had was when we played the plods in the Gutersloh footie tournament.... and I broke a chaps ankle in a wild challenge on the P&SS Sgt's son (Well he was through on goal
) Mass brawl followed by apologies all round next day. NFAT!
They are what they are - and the ones I have encountered have generally been OK (no greater proportion of numpties than any other branch!!)
The only run in I ever had was when we played the plods in the Gutersloh footie tournament.... and I broke a chaps ankle in a wild challenge on the P&SS Sgt's son (Well he was through on goal
) Mass brawl followed by apologies all round next day. NFAT!
WIWA RAF Stafford, then protected by the MOD Police, they nicked the Stn Dental Officer with a speed gun on camp doing more than 25 mph coming down the hill past the rugby club......
........on his cycle.
Nice chaps, they were.
........on his cycle.
Nice chaps, they were.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 119
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I suppose with the MoD police you know you are working against the new nazi party.
Where speed checks are concerned I would like to see the RAF police doing it on the quaters patches before a child gets hit. I know the parents should keep an eye on their offspring, but when you get some idiot trying to see how fast they can go between speed humps it becomes a bit of an issue. How about it?
Where speed checks are concerned I would like to see the RAF police doing it on the quaters patches before a child gets hit. I know the parents should keep an eye on their offspring, but when you get some idiot trying to see how fast they can go between speed humps it becomes a bit of an issue. How about it?
Last edited by monkeybumhead; 23rd Apr 2005 at 12:25.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 383
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Right....
Controversial Tim, you've added nothing of any worth to this argument. Before complaining that people in this forum are "uneducated" maybe you'd like to consider learning some decent debating skills?
Ivrytwr3, thanks for weighing in. I'm a scopie and am aware of incidents concerning the RAFP which are both good and bad.
At Buchan last year, the orderly officer had to deal with a massive "incident" on the station. Some civvies had been invited to the Sgts' Mess and started fighting. The fight - apparently of riotous proportions - spilled outside, and was spotted by the OO, some poor Plt Off who'd probably not done more than raise and lower the ensign as OO before this event. Nonetheless, he tried to separate them and couldn't. So he called the scuffers. When they arrived they did a fine job of keeping warring factions apart while waiting for CIVPOL to pitch up - in the process, one of the scuffers had his hand gashed open on the broken rear windshield of a RAFP vehicle, but refused to stand back from the fight because he thought someone was about to hit one of the female civvies involved. These scuffers managed to maintain the Stn's security, at the same time keeping people apart and administering 1st Aid. The same guys (and OO!) managed to save a civvie from hypothermia as he lay in the snow outside the Stn with a broken leg later the same year. Clearly, these are good RAF policemen who dealt with situations that they could just as well have left entirely to CIVPOL.
Fast forward to Boulmer earlier this year. Some prat left his bag outisde the R3 cottage with no label on it, and was hauled over the coals by the RAFP who, despite said officer's immediate contrition and admission of guilt, nonetheless "formally investigated" the incident. From what I understand, they read him his rights AFTER taking a statement which, I believe, makes his statement null and void anyway. These same coppers then sat back and did nothing after two serious incidents at the All Ranks' Club involving... err.... human waste. I would class these as jobsworthy, bad coppers who relish the opportunity to have an officer bollocked for a mistake, but avoid the challenge of dealing with people who have actually broken the law.
Don't let a few bad eggs spoil your overall impression of the RAFP. As with every single trade or branch, most of the RAFP are hard-working individuals who are genuinely concerned with the security of the Service.
A good RAFP friend of mine, Flt Lt Nick Finn, tragically passed away last weekend. He was the best ambassador the police had, I think it's fair to say that anyone who met him ended up with a better attitude towards his fellow "stazi filth" (his words, not mine). The RAF is an emptier place without him.
Controversial Tim, you've added nothing of any worth to this argument. Before complaining that people in this forum are "uneducated" maybe you'd like to consider learning some decent debating skills?
Ivrytwr3, thanks for weighing in. I'm a scopie and am aware of incidents concerning the RAFP which are both good and bad.
At Buchan last year, the orderly officer had to deal with a massive "incident" on the station. Some civvies had been invited to the Sgts' Mess and started fighting. The fight - apparently of riotous proportions - spilled outside, and was spotted by the OO, some poor Plt Off who'd probably not done more than raise and lower the ensign as OO before this event. Nonetheless, he tried to separate them and couldn't. So he called the scuffers. When they arrived they did a fine job of keeping warring factions apart while waiting for CIVPOL to pitch up - in the process, one of the scuffers had his hand gashed open on the broken rear windshield of a RAFP vehicle, but refused to stand back from the fight because he thought someone was about to hit one of the female civvies involved. These scuffers managed to maintain the Stn's security, at the same time keeping people apart and administering 1st Aid. The same guys (and OO!) managed to save a civvie from hypothermia as he lay in the snow outside the Stn with a broken leg later the same year. Clearly, these are good RAF policemen who dealt with situations that they could just as well have left entirely to CIVPOL.
Fast forward to Boulmer earlier this year. Some prat left his bag outisde the R3 cottage with no label on it, and was hauled over the coals by the RAFP who, despite said officer's immediate contrition and admission of guilt, nonetheless "formally investigated" the incident. From what I understand, they read him his rights AFTER taking a statement which, I believe, makes his statement null and void anyway. These same coppers then sat back and did nothing after two serious incidents at the All Ranks' Club involving... err.... human waste. I would class these as jobsworthy, bad coppers who relish the opportunity to have an officer bollocked for a mistake, but avoid the challenge of dealing with people who have actually broken the law.
Don't let a few bad eggs spoil your overall impression of the RAFP. As with every single trade or branch, most of the RAFP are hard-working individuals who are genuinely concerned with the security of the Service.
A good RAFP friend of mine, Flt Lt Nick Finn, tragically passed away last weekend. He was the best ambassador the police had, I think it's fair to say that anyone who met him ended up with a better attitude towards his fellow "stazi filth" (his words, not mine). The RAF is an emptier place without him.
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Blighty
Posts: 1
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well, well, what a load of hot air blowing around!!
Here at Mensa, we would like to remind you chaps that several years ago our President / Chairman/ Head Honcho, etc, was actually a serving RAF Police Corporal at the time. Did you miss his interview on the Jimmy Young Radio 2 show??? or not read the articles in the 'broadsheet press'???
Never had any growbag wearing airplane drivers in the post though. Mind you, our top person has to have a very high IQ to get elected, and growbags are not known for that sort of thing.
Whereas, Corporal Wilf Middleton, RAFP, did.
A few years ago the Chief of the Air Staff, Sir ******* *****, was travelling along in his limo to some station or other, accompanied by another senior officer. Sir *******, who knew a thing or two about military matters, said,'' You know,***** the only branches which have good leaders in today's air force are the Police and Regiment.''
Here at Mensa, we would like to remind you chaps that several years ago our President / Chairman/ Head Honcho, etc, was actually a serving RAF Police Corporal at the time. Did you miss his interview on the Jimmy Young Radio 2 show??? or not read the articles in the 'broadsheet press'???
Never had any growbag wearing airplane drivers in the post though. Mind you, our top person has to have a very high IQ to get elected, and growbags are not known for that sort of thing.
Whereas, Corporal Wilf Middleton, RAFP, did.
A few years ago the Chief of the Air Staff, Sir ******* *****, was travelling along in his limo to some station or other, accompanied by another senior officer. Sir *******, who knew a thing or two about military matters, said,'' You know,***** the only branches which have good leaders in today's air force are the Police and Regiment.''
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: N.Ireland
Posts: 6
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
MBH
You confuse me, You want us to do speed checks but moan because we check tax on vehicles? Do you know that if a vehicle has no tax, this invalidates the insurance? so when god forbid a child gets run over theres no insurance to cover extra medical expenses etc. You cant bump your gums about coppers doing their jobs then in the same sentence moan that they dont do another part of their jobs!
Tablet
Reference Nick Finn we have a thread running about him at our site and you are indeed very correct about him, very sad loss!
You confuse me, You want us to do speed checks but moan because we check tax on vehicles? Do you know that if a vehicle has no tax, this invalidates the insurance? so when god forbid a child gets run over theres no insurance to cover extra medical expenses etc. You cant bump your gums about coppers doing their jobs then in the same sentence moan that they dont do another part of their jobs!
Tablet
Reference Nick Finn we have a thread running about him at our site and you are indeed very correct about him, very sad loss!
Last edited by NIWorker; 23rd Apr 2005 at 13:39.
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 887
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Other nations have some bad cops even if ours doesn't (!). During my exchange tour to a frozen, northerly airbase, we used to 'plug' our car engines into the mains to operate low wattage engine block heaters to stop them freezing solid. The permitted temperature range was, I think, -10C and below. Of course at night the temperature would sometimes creep above -10C, at which point the plods would drive around base disconnecting the cables. The temperature would then plummet to -God knows and cause all sorts of problems when motorists tried to start their now-frozen engines the following morning. Yes, we used to get a real chuckle out of that one.
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Home
Posts: 3,399
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Micromember,
oh dear oh dear oh dear. Where to start. Firstly let's all take a moment and reflect on the sort of character that defines himself by the ability to do well on a highly specific paper test, famously tailored to allow white middle class train spotters to feel better about themselves. Let us remember, with perhaps a dignified silence, that one of the many areas covered under the broad umbrella of the concept of intelligence (rather than the highly specific area covered by a mensa IQ test) involves social intelligence. The ability to avoid looking like an absolute 'member' on a public chat forum for example.
oh dear oh dear oh dear. Where to start. Firstly let's all take a moment and reflect on the sort of character that defines himself by the ability to do well on a highly specific paper test, famously tailored to allow white middle class train spotters to feel better about themselves. Let us remember, with perhaps a dignified silence, that one of the many areas covered under the broad umbrella of the concept of intelligence (rather than the highly specific area covered by a mensa IQ test) involves social intelligence. The ability to avoid looking like an absolute 'member' on a public chat forum for example.
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I would like to see the RAF police doing it on the quaters patches before a child gets hit.
For those of you who do not know how our trade works let me give you a little insight...
Firstly, we have all types the same as ANY trade, the good guys, the Jobs-worths, the back stabbers, the keen as mustard types you get the picture. Our personallities are exactly the same as any other section out there, the only differnce is that our job leads to people being prosecuted.
Half the jobs you complain about us doing, we complain about aswell, mostly because they will be pointless. The other half we have to do, as it is what we signed up for and involve the prevention and detection of crime. If you don't like being pestered after you have commited an offence, then don't commit the offence. Its not rocket science.
Please don't have a go at lads, who for most of the time have been intructed to do pointless tasks by thier own HQ. If you wish to complain about OC Police's men then take it up with him, as it was likely under his own instruction.
The bottom line is that in this modern age if a NCO does not report an offence (no matter how trivial) and it later comes to light then that NCO is risking his career for being nice. Sorry, if it comes down to you or me, I will always watch my own back first. That said, I will still take a bullet for anyone on my stations. I am here to protect you all if I can.
Lastly before I go, ever annoy a LAC on a gate somewhere and suddenly find your section is being vicitmised by speed checks, tax checks and the like? A bit of politeness and respect from you will glean you more assistance than if you try and be a high and mighty tit.
Last edited by Uber Snowdrop; 23rd Apr 2005 at 15:36.
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Bedfordshire
Posts: 21
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I must take this opportunity to apologise for my actions & those of the rest of my trade.
I apologise that our counter intelligence people keep your computer systems secure, keep your PMM safe & sound and recover it when you've balls'd it up.
I must apologise for the actions of our special investigations teams, how dare they investigate thieves, bullies, drink drivers and rapists (yup, the RAF has their fair share).
The station feds who routinely double up as a "yellow pages / don't know where else to turn to" post. How dare they put up with abuse from scruffy personnel who who may as well wear a sack rather than the uniform they're provided.
The service police dog handlers who patrol the ASP's, they have no right to moan when they get wet or frozen. The drugs detection chaps, tut tut, what are you doing? Couldn't you do something more constructive with your time, like catching real criminals? The arms & explosives search teams, rubbish. We could get rid of them too, I mean, what use are they?
The tactical teams, is there really any need for us to escort aviation fuel up and down Iraq?
And air transport security, the shoe bomber wouldn't have done much damage would he?
The field security teams who had to rummage through the aircraft wreckage during TELIC to recover body parts, thats another bunch we get get rid of.
The covert teams, the child protection sections, the forensics teams & scenes of crimes officers could all be binned.
I mean let's face it, according to the only people that count in the RAF, you, the highly trained, highly paid aircrew, we're not worth the effort!
So once again, I sincerely apologise for our actions, appalling, utterly appalling!
Oh yeah, one last thing, abide by the regs that the government & RAF lay down, and hopefully our paths will never cross!
For those of you who are the not only law abiding servicemen & women, but are actually nice people to boot, I & my colleagues salute you. We shall endeavour carry out our jobs in the friendliest, sincere & most efficient way possible.
Take care one and all.
I apologise that our counter intelligence people keep your computer systems secure, keep your PMM safe & sound and recover it when you've balls'd it up.
I must apologise for the actions of our special investigations teams, how dare they investigate thieves, bullies, drink drivers and rapists (yup, the RAF has their fair share).
The station feds who routinely double up as a "yellow pages / don't know where else to turn to" post. How dare they put up with abuse from scruffy personnel who who may as well wear a sack rather than the uniform they're provided.
The service police dog handlers who patrol the ASP's, they have no right to moan when they get wet or frozen. The drugs detection chaps, tut tut, what are you doing? Couldn't you do something more constructive with your time, like catching real criminals? The arms & explosives search teams, rubbish. We could get rid of them too, I mean, what use are they?
The tactical teams, is there really any need for us to escort aviation fuel up and down Iraq?
And air transport security, the shoe bomber wouldn't have done much damage would he?
The field security teams who had to rummage through the aircraft wreckage during TELIC to recover body parts, thats another bunch we get get rid of.
The covert teams, the child protection sections, the forensics teams & scenes of crimes officers could all be binned.
I mean let's face it, according to the only people that count in the RAF, you, the highly trained, highly paid aircrew, we're not worth the effort!
So once again, I sincerely apologise for our actions, appalling, utterly appalling!
Oh yeah, one last thing, abide by the regs that the government & RAF lay down, and hopefully our paths will never cross!
For those of you who are the not only law abiding servicemen & women, but are actually nice people to boot, I & my colleagues salute you. We shall endeavour carry out our jobs in the friendliest, sincere & most efficient way possible.
Take care one and all.
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
The same guys (and OO!) managed to save a civvie from hypothermia as he lay in the snow outside the Stn with a broken leg later the same year.
However the ethos is the same for all NCO's.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 119
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
For those of you who do a worthwhile job then well done. I would also like to add that it isn't only dog handlers that get cold and wet at night. What about the groundcrew who work tirelessly, in all weathers, and at all hours, just to make sure that plod have an aircraft to guard in some far away country. Then spare a thought for the aircrew who have to fly you to said far away country to guard the aeroplane, which incidently is not the property of the aircrew.
NIWorker
Yes I would like to see speed checks on quaters so that the mindless few can be made aware, and will hopefully exercise a bit of caution in the future. As for checking tax discs, WHY, the propper plods can do that (who knows it may improve their statistics for unsolved crimes) so leave it to them.
NIWorker
Yes I would like to see speed checks on quaters so that the mindless few can be made aware, and will hopefully exercise a bit of caution in the future. As for checking tax discs, WHY, the propper plods can do that (who knows it may improve their statistics for unsolved crimes) so leave it to them.
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Bedfordshire
Posts: 21
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
monkeybumhead
Big hand to the guys and gals who do their job, but after all, they're only doing their job! And we're doing our job whether the frame is u/s or not, regardless of location.
Spare a thought for the aircrew, why? All trades do a great job, as do most of the armed forces. This isn't about us & them, it's about blinkered toe-rags who moan about trivia, pointing their fingers because they can't keep their admin squared away.
It's not a case of the RAF Police, waste of space, it's more a question how do we keep our knobbers in check? (RAF not trade)
And have a word fella, tax discs? Shall we just hand it all over to civpol? Tell me where the line is drawn for what we deal with and what civpol deals with, oops, silly me. It's already there, that'll be MAFL, QR's, AP's, SSO's & SRO's, common law, statute law etc etc.
Forgive my ingnorance, but by signing on the dotted line & entering an RAF station, where does it say that YOU don't have to abide by the regs laid down?
Got to agree with Controversial Tim, why are we generalising again? Isn\'t this how this absurd thread started?
Big hand to the guys and gals who do their job, but after all, they're only doing their job! And we're doing our job whether the frame is u/s or not, regardless of location.
Spare a thought for the aircrew, why? All trades do a great job, as do most of the armed forces. This isn't about us & them, it's about blinkered toe-rags who moan about trivia, pointing their fingers because they can't keep their admin squared away.
It's not a case of the RAF Police, waste of space, it's more a question how do we keep our knobbers in check? (RAF not trade)
And have a word fella, tax discs? Shall we just hand it all over to civpol? Tell me where the line is drawn for what we deal with and what civpol deals with, oops, silly me. It's already there, that'll be MAFL, QR's, AP's, SSO's & SRO's, common law, statute law etc etc.
Forgive my ingnorance, but by signing on the dotted line & entering an RAF station, where does it say that YOU don't have to abide by the regs laid down?
Got to agree with Controversial Tim, why are we generalising again? Isn\'t this how this absurd thread started?
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 383
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
mensamember, I appreciate your interest, but you make a poor argument. If you're concerned about people making the blanket accusation that RAF police are in some way stupid (an assertion I haven't seen anywhere in these posts despite all the invective), fair enough. Surely you realise you shouldn't qualify this argument by making the equally tenuous suggestion that all aircrew have a low IQ? You've totally invalidated your own line of reasoning.
As for the story about CAS, I'd be interested to know what your source is.
TE
As for the story about CAS, I'd be interested to know what your source is.
TE
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 119
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
aes
Cars outside wire not on camp, therefore should it really be your problem? Anyhow, seeing as many of us get sent to some god awfull holes on this planet, for long periods of time, it may just be possible that our tax expires whilst away. It could also be possible that our better halves are taking the opportunity to go away and visit friend & family for extended periods during this time, it does happen, and the renewal is overlooked untill return. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a garage in quaters, and not all quaters are behind the wire. It's a bad enough world that we live in, why make it worse by trying to fcuk over our own? Would you like it if you were in the previously mentioned situation, only to come home after 4-6 months away to find someone with too much time on their hands reported you for not having your car taxed?
Cars outside wire not on camp, therefore should it really be your problem? Anyhow, seeing as many of us get sent to some god awfull holes on this planet, for long periods of time, it may just be possible that our tax expires whilst away. It could also be possible that our better halves are taking the opportunity to go away and visit friend & family for extended periods during this time, it does happen, and the renewal is overlooked untill return. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a garage in quaters, and not all quaters are behind the wire. It's a bad enough world that we live in, why make it worse by trying to fcuk over our own? Would you like it if you were in the previously mentioned situation, only to come home after 4-6 months away to find someone with too much time on their hands reported you for not having your car taxed?
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 7
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As it is, with the new DVLA system if you haven't got a new excise licence before the old one runs out, and you have not made a SORN, they automatically send out your 80 quid fine and possible further action.
What if my vehicle licence (tax disc) is due to expire while I am abroad?
If you are going to be abroad when your tax disc is due to be renewed you may apply for a new disc up to 2 calendar months before the existing disc expires. Advance applications can be taken or posted to a main Post OfficeŽ branch or a DVLA Local Office. Applications must be made on a Vehicle Licence Application form (V10) available from Post OfficeŽ branches and DVLA Local Offices. If you are making a postal application you must also submit a letter explaining why you are applying to license your vehicle so far in advance. If you have an address abroad you can ask for the disc to be sent to you there.
If you are abroad when the tax disc expires but your vehicle is being kept off road in the UK, you can make a Statutory Off Road Notification (SORN).
If you are temporarily taking the vehicle abroad with you, remember to speak to your insurer to check that you are properly covered for the use of the vehicle. You will also need to fix a GB sticker to the back of the vehicle.
Really there is no excuse for not having your car taxed. Likewise it is now pointless due to the new system for us to check your vehicles for discs. DVLA will get you instead.
What if my vehicle licence (tax disc) is due to expire while I am abroad?
If you are going to be abroad when your tax disc is due to be renewed you may apply for a new disc up to 2 calendar months before the existing disc expires. Advance applications can be taken or posted to a main Post OfficeŽ branch or a DVLA Local Office. Applications must be made on a Vehicle Licence Application form (V10) available from Post OfficeŽ branches and DVLA Local Offices. If you are making a postal application you must also submit a letter explaining why you are applying to license your vehicle so far in advance. If you have an address abroad you can ask for the disc to be sent to you there.
If you are abroad when the tax disc expires but your vehicle is being kept off road in the UK, you can make a Statutory Off Road Notification (SORN).
If you are temporarily taking the vehicle abroad with you, remember to speak to your insurer to check that you are properly covered for the use of the vehicle. You will also need to fix a GB sticker to the back of the vehicle.
Really there is no excuse for not having your car taxed. Likewise it is now pointless due to the new system for us to check your vehicles for discs. DVLA will get you instead.