Cuts in defence budget, so what's your boss's best penny pinching idea?
Join Date: Dec 2000
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The Machine That Goes 'PING'
We're renting this machine back off the company that we sold it to. That way, it come of the monthly account and not the annual capital expenditure account.
Monty Pythons - Meaning of Life - Scene - Birth
Life imitating art
Delete 'machine that goes ping' and insert 'Married Quarters'
Monty Pythons - Meaning of Life - Scene - Birth
Life imitating art
Delete 'machine that goes ping' and insert 'Married Quarters'
Avoid imitations
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Wandering the FIR and cyberspace often at highly unsociable times
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>Army - Will be adorned in green kit, covered in crap.<
Words more correctly arranged:
Crap - covered in green kit, will be adorned Army.
I vote for removal of all the door handles on the "push" side of the doors, melt them down and make a couple more Typhoons.
And as for those vastly overpriced Apache things, get melting...... isn't the AAC one of those regiments that needs merging, especially as all the best folks transferred to light blue years ago?
I'd now put my body armour and helmet on except that due to cash cuts there aren't enough to go around....
Words more correctly arranged:
Crap - covered in green kit, will be adorned Army.
I vote for removal of all the door handles on the "push" side of the doors, melt them down and make a couple more Typhoons.
And as for those vastly overpriced Apache things, get melting...... isn't the AAC one of those regiments that needs merging, especially as all the best folks transferred to light blue years ago?
I'd now put my body armour and helmet on except that due to cash cuts there aren't enough to go around....
Join Date: May 2004
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How about cancelling all cleaning contracts at every unit? Have bull nights to keep the offices spanking, followed by moral-boosting sing-songs, no alcohol of course, just in case. Do I win 25 pounds from GEMS?
How about ditching all the corporate communications crap? You could build a lot of SLAM blocks out of compressed bales of Focus and other such dross!
Join Date: Feb 2001
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I will admit to being the holder of a substantial budget and I suppose like most prudent types, I take this responsibility seriously. However, I am constantly frustrated at Treasury guidelines, Liverpool Bills, corporate governance and other associated impositions. Whilst not an accountant, I did do a year on corporate financial strategy on one of my degrees and so feel relatively qualified when it comes to the sums.
I suggested to my masters that as a trial, they could give me my gazzilions and I would open a bank account. Service pay would be excluded and given back to PMA as I have little or no control over this. Other units would be denied the opportunity of using my UINs and Liverpool Bills accepting any old signature.
I could employ my own labourers/chippies and buy spares from B&Q and I suggested that if I came in under budget we could spread the savings to all the staff as a bonus.
What do you think the answer was and how do you think my OJAR looked ? Well I'm not going to be promoted so I keep chipping away but be assured there are some of us out here who do listen to the boys and girls and do care.
And by the way, I refuse to distribute glossies on my unit but instead talk to the troops myself.
I suggested to my masters that as a trial, they could give me my gazzilions and I would open a bank account. Service pay would be excluded and given back to PMA as I have little or no control over this. Other units would be denied the opportunity of using my UINs and Liverpool Bills accepting any old signature.
I could employ my own labourers/chippies and buy spares from B&Q and I suggested that if I came in under budget we could spread the savings to all the staff as a bonus.
What do you think the answer was and how do you think my OJAR looked ? Well I'm not going to be promoted so I keep chipping away but be assured there are some of us out here who do listen to the boys and girls and do care.
And by the way, I refuse to distribute glossies on my unit but instead talk to the troops myself.
im all for the previous, stop filling our crewrooms full of tosh mags and "newspapers" and just go for a few DASC flyer stylee a4 sheets once a month. Would save thousands and who the hell wants to know that little jonny over in DPA has invented a new abacus that will save thousands so long as we spend a million to buy two of them in the first place?!
Join Date: May 2002
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Funniest I have experienced was a flight commander who wanted to save on Sqn admin costs and worked out that aircrew could get by with 3 pens, 3 pencils, a rubber and sharpener per financial year. Said person then insisted we all be issued the aforementioned from the admin office and would not recieve any more for the rest of the year!
Join Date: Feb 2005
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Heard a story today which is very fitting.
Was told that some fine chap at Brize thought money could be saved by buying cheaper recycled paper instead of the normal A4 paper.
A few months later, the budget for fax, copier, printer repairs / replacements launched itself through the roof due to inferior quality paper wrecking and jamming everything . Another chap reorders normal A4 and brize is left with several tons of useless paper to get rid of.
Hmmmm, that really saved a few pennies didn't it. Not.
Was told that some fine chap at Brize thought money could be saved by buying cheaper recycled paper instead of the normal A4 paper.
A few months later, the budget for fax, copier, printer repairs / replacements launched itself through the roof due to inferior quality paper wrecking and jamming everything . Another chap reorders normal A4 and brize is left with several tons of useless paper to get rid of.
Hmmmm, that really saved a few pennies didn't it. Not.
Everybody told him that's what would happen - but he had to know better! And he outranked everyone else on the base, so of course he knew best!
I'm told that there is a mountain of the vile grey junk stored out of the way somewhere at the Covert Oxonian Aerodrome....
Another great Kelvin Rucksack triumph!
I'm told that there is a mountain of the vile grey junk stored out of the way somewhere at the Covert Oxonian Aerodrome....
Another great Kelvin Rucksack triumph!
Same thing happened at W*ton in late 90's and at the secret Wilts airbase in 2001.
Some day the bean counters will realise that cheapest does NOT equal value for money.
Some day the bean counters will realise that cheapest does NOT equal value for money.
Join Date: Apr 2002
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The MOD has just been offered a new style Chinagraph pencil wax
I'm off next week to conduct a hot weather trial to check it's suitability prior to signing the contract.
Starts with 1 week in Gibraltar. Then 4 days in Cyprus and the 3 days in Duhbai. From there we go to Sri Lanka (3 days) and on to Singapore for a week. Down to Sidney for another week and then dash off to Hawaii for 4 days. Next is San Diego for 5 days and down to Key West for 4. From there to Bermuda for a week finishing in Lajes for 3 days, then home.
Air travel is 1st class to make sure we meet the deadlines and accomm is minimum 4* to ensure we get proper rest, plus allowances of course.
I'm lucky to have a team of 5 scientists and statisticians to record all the details so the pressure on me is not too great.
This will be a bit hectic, but I'm really looking forward to it.
As a bonus, I'm allowed to take my wife with me as it is such a grueulling time away from home.
I really hope Jack Straw loses his seat on Thursday so I can go on more trips like this without achieving anything.
I'm off next week to conduct a hot weather trial to check it's suitability prior to signing the contract.
Starts with 1 week in Gibraltar. Then 4 days in Cyprus and the 3 days in Duhbai. From there we go to Sri Lanka (3 days) and on to Singapore for a week. Down to Sidney for another week and then dash off to Hawaii for 4 days. Next is San Diego for 5 days and down to Key West for 4. From there to Bermuda for a week finishing in Lajes for 3 days, then home.
Air travel is 1st class to make sure we meet the deadlines and accomm is minimum 4* to ensure we get proper rest, plus allowances of course.
I'm lucky to have a team of 5 scientists and statisticians to record all the details so the pressure on me is not too great.
This will be a bit hectic, but I'm really looking forward to it.
As a bonus, I'm allowed to take my wife with me as it is such a grueulling time away from home.
I really hope Jack Straw loses his seat on Thursday so I can go on more trips like this without achieving anything.
