Cathay wife jokes

[bugged on the right]

Looking at the roadshow thread and seeing what has developed, I'm appalled at the conditions in what was once the most desirable airline employer in the world. Mention was made of Tai Tais and it reminded me of the Cathay wife jokes. Unfortunately the only one I remember is " What does a Cathay wife wear to her husband's funeral? A black tennis dress. ". Anyone remember more? Some of them were hilarious.

[Captain Dart]

I'll bite.

What did a Cathay wife do with her a@@hole before sex? Drop him off at Kai Tak.

Why did Cathay captains keep five thousand dollars in cash down their trousers? Because it was the only five thousand their wives wouldn't blow in Lane Crawford.

A Cathay captain had his credit card stolen. He didn't report it because the thief was spending less than his wife had been.

[Gordomac]

In my persistent, unsuccessful attempts to get into CX, one time, made it to the final candidates party (heady days eh- ?). Financial crash saw millions wiped off investments and I asked the Aussie Captain who gave me a B+ for the sim bit why he was looking so glum. He replied that he had just lost millions in the HK stock-market crash.I I told him that it was always best to keep your money in a little black box under the bed. He retorted ; " Blimey Mate.........that's where I keep the wife !........"

[Flying Mechanic]

Cathay wives think cooking and fooking are 2 destinations in China !

[ShyTorque]

Or, as one newly wed “trophy” wife was heard to say to her husband, after he asked if she could organise some clean clothes for him…. “Do your own clothes, I’m a £uc&ing machine, not a £uc&ing washing machine!” :rolleyes:

[krismiler]

If you wanted to come out ahead financially from your time in CX, the advice was to leave with the same wife you arrived with.

Supposedly there were a few instances of Asian fever with the wife and the maid changing places.

[deja vu]

Not so much a joke as a funny story I was told.
Apparently it was not uncommon among a few CX crew in the 80's and earlier to buy themselves a peerage from back in Blighty. I'm told after one transaction one couple were passing themselves off in Hong Kong as Lord and Lady Bracknell. It came to pass sometime later at the CX standby counter at Heathrow there was a PA summoning Lady Bracknell to come to the counter immediately. Shortly thereafter middle aged lady pushed through the other hopefuls at the counter and breathlessly announced in a very loud voice, "I'm Lady Bracknell, I'm Lady Bracknell" to which staff anded back her standby ticket and announced "Lady Bracknell, you are OFF"

[deja vu]

If you wanted to come out ahead financially from your time in CX, the advice was to leave with the same wife you arrived with.

Supposedly there were a few instances of Asian fever with the wife and the maid changing places.
More than a few, but not so much maids as flight attendants.

[olster]

The Lord and Lady Bracknell bought titles is true. Putting it all into perspective all these years later it is obviously bonkers that anyone would buy a title but there you go. Gordomac I wouldn’t lose any sleep over not getting into Cathay. No one more surprised than me when I got the call. Particularly on the second interview in Hong Kong which was conducted with an inappropriately raging hangover. I had never flown in First Class before so the unending free booze handed out by the cabin crew was eagerly imbibed. I was of course well behaved but the next day I found myself manhandling a Tristar simulator alongside a pleasant but taciturn Aussie feeling somewhat sub par. The heady combination of jet lag and booze was a harbinger of things to come. I did reach the glittering heights of 747 Captain and although of course it was a good job for the time it certainly was not airline nirvana.

[Meikleour]

There is an element of truth in this story however the incident was an offload in BAH on the LGW-HKG route. I should know because I was sitting near her and was also offloaded and we both had to spend the day inn BAH and catch the next flight after 24 hours. She was nice and had been a BEA hostess on Vanguards. The lord put his title to good use to blag access to expensive American golf clubs. ( the yanks didn't know any better! )

[Big Pistons Forever]

The story I heard was a Cathay Captain’s wife had just graduated from high school while his eldest daughter just graduated from University and the kids were 6 months, 5, 9, 11, 15, and 21 years old.

[Captain Dart]

Then there was the ex-Vickers Valiant pilot, bow-tie wearing, pointer-wielding sim instructor who paid off each Fillipina missus when they turned 30.

[Stationair8]

Everyone has a use by date!

[LongTimeInCX]

Then there was the ex-Vickers Valiant pilot, bow-tie wearing, pointer-wielding sim instructor who paid off each Fillipina missus when they turned 30.
Some off them didn’t make it that long.
I didn’t keep count, but I have an idea he was up to wife no 6 or 7 by the time I left. That said, you loved him or hated him as an instructor. I thought he was really good at teaching, and if you’d done the work, he’d get you through. If you hadn’t, you’d get rapped on the knuckles from some implement he’d carry. Wouldn’t get away with that physical crap these days, but a funny character and good instructor. Now back to wives.

…as for the lady Bracknell story, I too had only ever heard it related to the standby counter in HK. I’d prefer to think there was more than one occasion when she didn’t make it on, if only because of the ostentatiousness of her using such a title, and because of the ‘gentleman’ she was married to. Illusions of grandeur. It’s a story always good for a laugh though, whether it be just BAH, or BAH & HKG, all justly deserved.

[Captain Dart]

I rarely had issues with JC, I thought he was quite a good instructor. Steering the debrief to 'what was it like to fly the Valiant' was always helpful. He was a part of the rich tapestry of characters in CX during the nineties.

[bugged on the right]

It was often quite sad to go flying with a middle aged guy who was suddenly sporting a new zoom head haircut and in the bar after the day's flying new floral shirts and exotic shoes. That and the revelation that some scuba in Cebu was imminent could only mean one thing. Some of the cabin crew could smell a divorce at a hundred yards and some of the guys actually thought they liked them.

[Gordomac]

And the Cathay wife joke............?

Don't want to creep the thread too far so I might take my submission over to "Friday Jokes" on the Jetblast thread. But I was deeply hurt in this mornings standard start to the day as your description (Bugsy) fits me exactly, except for the shoes. Always stayed with the American Baseball boot-type with huge tongues.

[deja vu]

In the bar of the Aviation Club at Kai Tak one early evening and there was a small groupDragonair guys quietly having a drink immediately after work. In those early KA days their uniform was a very light grey with rather large pleats in the front of the trousers. Cathay wife approaches the group and asks mockingly why they have such ugly pleats in the trousers. Very quick retort comes back "unlike Cathay pilots we need the extra room"

[deja vu]

It was often quite sad to go flying with a middle aged guy who was suddenly sporting a new zoom head haircut and in the bar after the day's flying new floral shirts and exotic shoes. That and the revelation that some scuba in Cebu was imminent could only mean one thing. Some of the cabin crew could smell a divorce at a hundred yards and some of the guys actually thought they liked them.

Not wanting to creep or drift from the thread too far as Gordo pointed out, but I have to mention the one thing far sader than the buzz cut and floral shirt. Thats the long retired Cathay guy, sitting in a rocking chair on the verandah of the aged care home with a rug and recalling what might have been. But no, he went home with SWMBO, got cleaned out in the divorce and now wishing he had taken the opportunity as it arose, so to speak.

When you go black, you will never go back.

[Dingleberry Handpump]

Not wanting to creep or drift from the thread too far as Gordo pointed out, but I have to mention the one thing far sader than the buzz cut and floral shirt. Thats the long retired Cathay guy, sitting in a rocking chair on the verandah of the aged care home with a rug and recalling what might have been. But no, he went home with SWMBO, got cleaned out in the divorce and now wishing he had taken the opportunity as it arose, so to speak.

When you go black, you will never go back.
sounds like a premonition of a certain unpleasant boomer on the AOA forums who was vehemently anti CC/TB - kept telling everyone how he was once an A-scale millionaire.. How impressive! I’m sure his ex-wife sends her regards.

Became the subject of plenty of jokes among us.